The other Half of my Deen

Part 19

I put on the lights. I was angry and tired. He got up.

Nausheen: why did you get married to me if you didn't even care about my health or my self-respect? You don't love me.

I had so much in my mind but I couldn't tell him more. I started shivering and crying. Rayyan tried to hug me but I pushed him off.

Nausheen: I feel so unwanted here. Nobody likes that I'm here. I feel so disrespected.

Rayyan: I'm so sorry Nausheen. It's all my fault. I married against my mom's wish. I didn't expect it to be so ugly or I wouldn't ever bring you here. I swear I'm very embarrassed. I feel so much shame. I couldn't even face you. I'm not able to take good care of you. But Nausheen please understand. She's my mom. I cannot go against her.

Nausheen: why does she hate me so much? Am I so bad?

Rayyan: no no no... Nausheen, don't blame it on yourself. MashAllah! I don't deserve you. You're perfect! She just doesn't like that I married a woman who was married before and has a child. She thinks too much about status and she feels that I could've found unmarried pretty young girls for myself. I know that's not true you're best for me, but she doesn't know and she doesn't want to know. Nobody can change it now.

I cried all night. Rayyan held me in his arms and cried with me. Although I was very angry with him for the way he was treating me. My heart melted when he cried with me. He was actually struck between me and his mom. And he respected his mom more than me. I don't blame him for that.

Nausheen: okay Rayyan. I will put my head down and listen to everything that auntie tells me. You respect her. It's my duty to respect her. I won't even argue. Even if I'm right I'll keep quiet. But at least talk to me. Make me feel good about myself when she's not around. I need someone in this house to love me. At least you do. You're love and care will be worth all the tolerance.

Rayyan: I assure you to love you and take care of you. I was so embarrassed that I couldn't face you. I will be there for you. And the next time my mom s rude to you, and you feel hurt. We will immediately leave. I'm so sorry Nausheen. I'm very guilty.

The next day was new and fresh. I woke up for fajr. Smiled and Rayyan first, shared that caring smile and then started the daily routine.

When I was done with the day's work. I painted one of the walls in my room. Shameem auntie did say something, like called it a waste of time and told it made the wall look bad. But I still smiled expecting at least Rayyan to appreciate it. I was waiting for Rayyan to come. He came and was talking to me normally.

Nausheen: don't you see anything unusual?

Rayyan: no. what is it?

I had to point towards the part of the wall that I had painted.

Rayyan: oh oh oh you made it? Oh my god! It's so beautiful! I didn't know you paint. Wow. Very nice.

Nausheen: yeah, but I had to show it to you.

Rayyan: if not now, I'd see it little later. How much difference would it make?

Nausheen: a lot. But it's okay.

It's ok. I had to remind him but he did appreciate it. That's all mattered. Rayyan was actually sorry every time auntie was mad at me.

I called Nahida auntie every day. She was happy that at least Rayyan was with me now. One month passed. The days felt like a whole lifetime but the evenings when Rayyan was home felt like just another few days. Every day I was shouted at. But I woke up with a smile cause Rayyan was sweet to me. He didn't notice things. But when he did, he appreciated. He is not expressive but I knew how he felt. I thanked Allah so much.