The other Half of my Deen

Part 15

9 months later...

I gave birth to a baby boy. We named him Sufyan. And no, I didn't move to my parents'. I lived with Nahida auntie. Losing her husband and a young son was enough tragedy in her life. I didn't want to add to her sorrow by leaving her alone with Omar. He was so young, he had gone through so much in his life. Nine months is a long time. But I was still very depressed.

I was guilty. I felt that I failed to take care of Sufyan properly. Every time I looked at him I was reminded of Zaahir.

Auntie on the other hand enjoyed taking care of the baby. She felt good when the baby was around. Same with Omar, he really loved Sufyan. Omar and Sufyan kept auntie alive. She was so broken form the inside.

When Sufyan was 3 months old, it was mine and Zaahir's second wedding anniversary. I had lived alone for a year. I still missed Zaahir. I had lived with him for a year and a year without him. But, those memories were enough for me to spend the rest of my life by myself and his last memory Sufyan.

That day I prayed the whole day. I kept asking Allah so many questions. Why was I tested? Who dies at the age of 27? Why did it have to be a nice person as Zaahir? Why did this happen in my life? Why do I have to go through all this? Why? How can Zaahir leave us alone when we need him the most? Why is life so sad? For a person as nice as mum, She lost her husband a few years back and now her young son had died. I cried all day long.

Omar suggested that I joined college to keep myself distracted. Since, mum and he took care of the baby anyway. I didn't want to join college. I wasn't interested in anything anymore. But mum insisted that I joined college and I did it. Every day After I and Omar left for university Ammi came to my house and helped mum take care of the baby.

My life was very emotionless. I dint even feel angry now. Even if the baby was crying I'd keep staring at him. Trying to find Zaahir in him.

I went to college, attended class and came back home. I made sure that I played with Sufyan for sometime every day. Sometimes, when I had a lot to study I couldn't play with Sufyan. I had joined into the second semester directly since I finished first semester a year back. Now the second semester also was over. I had only projects and research work to do. So, I could do it from home and I got to spend more time with Sufyan.

Ruhi was my partner for project and research. She was very understanding. She always agreed to come to my house for the work. All the work that required to go to college she did. I was very thankful to Ruhi. I missed Ayesha a lot in these days. She was married and lived in Yemen now. Yea, she married an Arab. After one month of our research we had to go to college and present our work to our mentors. Our mentor was assigned on that day. The attender took us to sir's cabin and I was shocked to read the name of my mentor.

"RAYYAN SHEIKH" BE, MTech., PhD.

I was very shocked and by the time I realised it was the same Rayyan I was almost engaged to I heard the door open behind me. I immediately pulled my hijab on my face making it a niqab. He looked at us but didn't recognise me. Then he read our names on the report that we had prepared. And he looked at me again. I felt like a fool who was trying to cover her face and her name written right there. He asked a few questions and Ruhi answered all of them. He didn't do anything that made me think he had recognised me. I came out of the room and thanked Allah for not making it any more awkward.

Ruhi: what happened?

Nausheen: nothing.

Ruhi: why didn't you answer to him?

Nausheen: I used to know him.

Ruhi: huh? How?

Nausheen: I was almost engaged to him.

Ruhi: oh! That should have been awkward.

Nausheen: yeah.

Then I went home and told mum about this. She was not shocked. She just listened and told me to relax.

I didn't go to college again. One day I went to ammi's house with Sufyan and when I came back home Rayyan was in my house. Mum and Omar were talking to him. I was shocked. I went into my room and mum came after me.

Nahida auntie: come out beta.

Nausheen: no mum. Whats he doing here?

Nahida auntie: he's a guest. He was zaahir's friend.

Nausheen: but mom.

Nahida auntie: just come.

I went to the hall.

Rayyan: assalamu alaikum Nausheen.

Nausheen: walekum assalam.

Rayyan: I know this is very awkward and you hate me now but please let me explain. I still like you.

Nausheen: what're you talking about? I'm a mother now.

Rayyan: I didn't want to leave you like this.

Nausheen: whatever. I do not care. I have forgotten who you are. You're just someone I used to know.

Rayyan: just let me explain once. please.

Nausheen: why? I don't have anything to do with you.

Rayyan: I want to marry you.

Nausheen: what? Are you out of our mind?

Rayyan: just listen to me once.

Nausheen: no. if you're done talking you may leave.

Rayyan walked away disappointed.

I look at Omar and Nahida auntie.

Nausheen: how dare he comes to my house like this?

Omar: I called him.

Nausheen: what? Why? I thought of you as my friend. Don't you know that I don't want to marry again?

Omar: I know. But we want you to.

I look at mum disappointed and in disbelief.

Nahida auntie: yes. You're 24. I can't let you spoil your life like this.

Nausheen: I want this. I'm not enjoying this. But I haven't even thought of marriage. I don't want this.

Nahida auntie: you have more than half of your life ahead of you. Your son needs a father. You need a companion.

Nausheen: no mum. I don't. I love you and I can live like this forever.

Nahida auntie: please listen to us. Your parents also want this.

Nausheen: everyone knows about Rayyan?

Nahida: yes. Everyone wants you to marry again.

Nausheen: maybe you all are right. Maybe I should marry someone. But not Rayyan. I don't even trust him. Don't you remember what he did last time?

Nahida auntie: I do. He explained it to us. It is was very nice of him to leave you before you both got engaged. He was in a lot of stress. He was forced to leave you.

Nausheen: whatever auntie. I don't like him anymore.

Nahida auntie: oaky. If I convince you that he is a nice boy and that I really want you to marry him. Will you? And remember, if you say no. I need a genuine reason for that.

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Thanks for reading... :)