Take It Slow

Epilogue

Sungjin’s eyes pierces on you as you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. He’s been watching you discuss things with the other engineers as you hold the blueprint. He smiles as he eyes the hard hat on your head. He once thought about it--you being an architect. But he never really thought that that day would come.

It was you who planted the seed in him--the one who lit the fire of passion to build things. When you’d talk about your drawings and ideas, the fire that he used to see in your eyes would make the little flame in his heart ablaze. That’s where his dream to become an engineer started. It has always been you who’d pull him out of his comfort zone.

Despite being three years younger, you were the one who’d always protect him and made him feel safe. When he was seven, he wouldn’t go out of the house because he was afraid of the barking dogs. But you would always go to their place to drag him out of their house. The dogs would always stop woofing when you’re around. You’d even pet them. No matter what you do with them, Sungjin would always feel safe when you’re around.

You were also the first one who made him feel that he’s a man, even when he was just a boy then. Children would always tease him that he’s a girl because of that one time that his mom made him wear twintails. It was really cute though. He was also being teased because he liked flowers. He used to love playing around the flower field. But it was you who’d always come to his rescue telling everyone how manly he was.

You were the reason why he wanted to be a man because he wanted to protect you and not the other way around. When other children started to make fun of you, when he saw you crying as you ran, he wanted nothing else other than to be the one to make you feel safe like how you’d always make him feel.

At a very young age, he knew he liked you in a different way--not the kind of like that he feels for Dowoon or his cousins--the kind of like that even when you were still young, he didn’t want to let go of your hand. But when you started expressing that you like him the same way, he felt so disappointed. Not by you, but by himself. Every time you’d do something, the irritated expression that would etch on his face wasn’t because he didn’t like you, it was because he kept on getting mad at himself because he was supposed to be the one doing those things to you--bringing food, waiting after class to go home together, doing the comforting; basically everything that a pursuer does to the person they like and want to pursue. But all of those expressions were misunderstood by you, thinking he didn't like you.

Also, at a very young age, Sungjin’s eyes were opened to see the reality. He saw how the broken relationship of your parents have caused damage on you. He saw his aunts and uncles hurt each other. He saw how other people destroy each other. No, he doesn’t want that to happen to both of you. No, he doesn’t want to lose you. He was in a rush to be a man to protect you but seeing these people rushing things made him realize you also need to take things slow in life.

Slowly but surely. He stopped trying to rush things and lessened his speed; he reflected and learned. When he saw you rushing life like how he used to, he became anxious. He saw how tired you looked like, how the colors you used to give off have turned to gray. When he told you six years ago about this take it slow and all, he wasn’t just telling it to you, he was also reminding himself. He’s been enduring things for several years, he has come far, he shouldn’t mess it up just because he let his walls down for a moment, should he?

When he saw you slid that wedding envelope on the table with Jaebeom’s name carved on it, he couldn’t function for a minute. You saw how his shoulders dropped and felt how heavy his breath was when he let it out after you pulled your hand away. He was extremely relieved, no, it’s an understatement, maybe there’s no exact word to convey how relieved he was when he saw that it wasn’t your name next to Jaebeom’s.