I'm chasing a shadow of a dream of a thought
Through a haze of smoke and forgetfulness
Losing where I've been with each step to where I am
And where I'm going is a maze of doubt and indifference
I'm lost in a daze of ideas as I forget where I am
And where I'm going seems not to matter
I can't bring myself to focus on caring
Long enough to notice as my distraction drags me farther
From the path that is so far from where I started anyway
And where I wanted to be is nothing but a forgotten memory
I see flashes of glimpses of where I should be
I ache with guilt for knowing that I shouldn't be here
There is something else I need to be doing
But I'm so far gone that I don't even bother to drag myself back
Even though I know I should
And it makes me feel worse
But the longer I put it off the more hopeless it seems
So the less I try, though the worse I feel
The guilt and desperation growing and feeding off itself
Making a positive feedback loop inside the ice of dread inside me
Until someone snaps me out of myself
And I remember where I was and where I was going
But the hopelessness doesn't go away because of it
I feel even more lost than I did when I actually was
Because I know I'm not in control
The tendrils and chains of my own mind have a mind of their own
As soon as I think I'm lost again
Because my mind is a black hole
A black hole of thought that I fall into whenever I try to reach in to grab something that I need from my own memory
And even though I know it's going to happen I can't stop it and I can't avoid it, because
How can you escape your own mind?
YOU ARE READING
Attention Deficit Disorder
RandomJust a random long-winded internal monologue that I happened to write down as it happened. Because, yes, I do have ADD, and it's really hard to explain it to someone who doesn't, so this is my best-and only-effort.
