Uh oh. That's my mother's name. She must know her. This could be the diner I remember so vaguely. That would explain the flashback when I walked in. If it is the the diner in my memories that would mean this is my home town. Of all places to choose from to start a new life in, I choose this one. So much for a fresh start. This is not good.
Too many memories are tied to this town. I look over at Josh. He's picking a song/code to play. I look back at Sandra.
"Umm.. no I don't recall that name. You must be thinking of someone else." My hands are sweaty and I'm praying she'll just drop the subject.
"I must be, well anyway. You know what you and your little friend over there want?"
That was close. I sigh quietly with relief.
"Actually we do. We'll take two plates of chocolate chip pancakes." I say looking over at Josh again. He'd chosen an old song I definitely remember. He's listening intently trying to crack the code.
"Coming right up." Sandra says and walks away.
I continue looking at Josh who now looked blown away. I wonder what he hears in that song. I hope it's good news because I could sure use some right now. The song ends and he looks around like he just came out of a trance. He spots me and runs over. He struggles to get on the chair with his short legs. I get up and help him up.
"Hey! I can do it myself!" He says. He jumps off the chair again and climbs back on it by himself.
"So what did you hear in the song?" I say ignoring his little retort.
"It's a secret code so only the people who understand it can know what it says." He crosses his arms and gives me a smug look.
"Well could you at least tell me if it was good news or not?" I give him puppy dog eyes that probably don't look even close to a puppy's eyes.
"Did you order my pancakes?"
I nod at him. Still giving him the eyes.
"The code said that the bad guys don't know where we are right now so we're okay." He says with enthusiasm.
"Oh, well that's great news! All thanks to you of course."
"How long are the pancakes going to take?" He's getting a little jumpy now. He's been sitting on the bus for much too long.
"I don't know, but do you want to go to the park after we eat?" I have no idea about where we're going to stay. I need some time to think about everything.
"Yeah! Is there a playground there?"
"Yes."
"Is there a swing set?"
"Yes."
"What about wood chips on the ground? I like those. Is there any?"
"Why do you ask so many questions? Spies are supposed to know these kinds of things." I say a little irritated, but I'm careful not to show it. It's a good thing he's so inquisitive. It'll help him build up knowledge in the long run. I also don't want to hurt his feelings just because I'm stressed.
He stops asking questions so much and looks out the window observing the new scenery. I look out too trying to remember exactly where we are. The last time I saw this place I was 7 years old and Josh was about 1 and a half years old. Now that I know this is where I used to live I can navigate the streets easily just like it was yesterday.
Memories always leave an imprint on me depending on my surroundings. I probably won't exactly remember where our old house is until I get out on the streets and start walking around. Once I'm actually in the place everything comes rushing back in vivid pictures.
So if we were to run away from here right now it would literally be running away from memories. Running away from it hurt. People always say you can't run away from your problems but I can. And I can drag Josh right along with me and save him from a whole lot of pain too. I don't know what I'm gonna do with him. I can't build him a a stable life or even a good childhood memory. I can't raise a child all by myself. But I can try.
The pancakes arrive about ten minutes after Sandra left. She plops them on the table in front of me and Josh and straightens up.
"Is there anything else I can do for you?" She looks at Josh specifically. He shakes his head at her and immediately starts tearing up the pancakes like someone else will eat them if he doesn't. Sandra laughs at him and looks over at me.
"And what about you sweetie?" She says. I feel like she's searching my far for just the slightest connection to my mother. I'm overreacting I know but I can't help it.
"No I'm fine thanks." I reply to her. And she nods her head and walks away. I take a bite of the pancakes and fall in love with them. I gobble them down realizing how hungry I am for the first time since we left for the bus. I don't know how I'm going to keep feeding us and keep a steady amount of money that we need for the other necessities.
I look out the window half way through my pancakes. Philadelphia really is beautiful. I love the aura that comes off of the whole place. It feels like home but I don't think just to me. Like just to any tourist who would be passing through here. It has a busy yet laid back vibe that can suit anyone's needs. It's comfortable warm the people seem nice the scenery looks like it came out of a book. It's like picturesque little town only it's not such a little town.
We finish the pancakes around the same time and Josh sits back and sighs in contentment.
"Check please!" I say loudly hoping someone will hear me from the back of the diner where customers aren't aloud.
A few seconds later Sandra comes out with the check and sets it down. she picks up our empty plates and leaves. The bill is $6.50 so I leave $8 to give the waitress a tip and we stand up to leave. Just as we reach the door Sandra comes back and leans over the counter.
"Ya'll come on back now I'd like to have a longer talk with you and your little friend you got there." She winks at the both us and disappears again.
We walk through the doors and I mentally note to myself that someday I will come back to that diner, maybe soon maybe way later in life. That'll just have to be a decision I make in the long run.
