Dream Me a Sonatine

15 - Opalescence

Chaewon was brighter today. She wasn't sure if she felt brighter, because she wasn't sure if she felt anything, but her washed-out form blended into the world's vivid canvas a bit more.

She chewed on a red and white paper straw, dimly aware of cold, sweet bubbles on her tongue. Opposite her, Jiwoo was beaming. It was a familiar smile, but the corners of her mouth teetered and her teeth were gritted.

'We never went to the concert,' said Jiwoo brightly.

'My lightstick fell in a puddle,' said Chaewon dryly. 'It was probably an omen.'

Jiwoo didn't seem to hear her. 'Ah, they'll come back next year! Or we could save up, fly to Korea... Do you wanna go Christmas shopping?'

Chaewon gave a floppy shrug. Jiwoo stood up, knocking a café stool into the wall.

The streets outside glittered with even more lights than usual, the kind that screamed 'Look at our city! We have lights! They're so bright you can't count the corpses or see the burning buildings! Everything is beautiful, joyeux Noël' and gaudy tinsel hung from every corner of every window.

It was all a little too bright, like a strained smile.

Jiwoo smiled. 'Look!' She gestured in the general direction of something and hurried off. Chaewon followed her. A giant gingerbread man grimaced at them. They moved on. Jiwoo bought a stroopwafel. Chaewon looked at a dress she could never wear. They moved on. Jiwoo bought some shoes for her mother. They moved on. Chaewon bought a candy cane she couldn't eat.

'Chae, look!'

'What are those?'

'Christmas macarons,' said Jiwoo. A wicked grin spread across her face. 'I'm gonna buy them for Sooyoung and pretend I made them.'

'Dick move.'

Something hot flashed in Jiwoo's eyes, and then she was smiling fixedly again. 'The Grinch needs a worthy successor, Chae. And I'm never gonna get those macarons right anyway...'

They passed a large Christmas tree, awash with halos of colour and spinning baubles. Jiwoo's smile shone, so bright that anyone walking past had to avert their eyes. It was a smile that had the capacity to hold the world, but today it only glowed with emptiness.

Chaewon stopped abruptly, wanting to ask if Jiwoo was okay, but her muscles were deadlocked. It was sudden and it wasn't, it caught her off guard and it had been there all along, and she sank down, retching.

There was a girl with black hair crying dark, colourless tears. A wolf leaned against her, nuzzling her cheek and licking the washes of black. Time split apart. There were two girls running from something, their faces just blurs in the night. Time liquefied into blood. There was a girl in a forest, gazing transfixed into a mirror that could swallow her whole.

'Chae—'

Time fused back together. But everything was wrong.

The Christmas tree was pulled apart like elastic candy and shoppers warped, their faces melting into a sinewy mass of blood and bone. They lunged for her, knives in hands and faces like coal.

Un....m.....ak...e...

And then they were walking past, debating turkey recipes and buying wrapping paper. The Christmas tree twinkled innocently.

'Chaewon?' Jiwoo's face wrinkled anxiously. She held out a hand, and Chaewon took it between her cold fingers.

'I'm here,' said Chaewon, not sure if she really was. 'I'm awake.'