In Too Deep

6. Aftermath

I never imagined five years ago that I’d be living apart from my husband, I would have never married again if I’d thought this would be how we would end up. and never imagined the reason for that separation would be a long term affair between the man I loved and my only child.

I never wanted to be that woman who couldn’t forgive her own flesh and blood and perhaps if Naomi had showed any remorse then things might have been different, and so I'd swallowed my pride and contacted her, we met up only once earlier this year since Naomi had jilted poor Dean at the alter leaving me to deal with the fallout from that before I could even begin to deal with the subsequent collapse of my marriage.
Marshall ironically as he was half of the cause of all this, had been great though explaining to the guests with me that there would be no wedding, he even ended up getting Dean a job at his radio station in New York allowing him to move on with his life and I expect alleviating some of Marshall’s guilt over his part in him being jilted and humiliated on what should have been his wedding day.
To my knowledge Dean knew nothing of their affair to this day and he was now living with someone and they were expecting their first baby fairly shortly.

Naomi was living in Canada, she was seemingly happily married and I had three Grandchildren, I wanted to get to know them but it was going to be difficult, she had introduced me to her husband as a friend which hurt me more than the fling with Marshall to be honest.
Naomi still after these years showed no sign of remorse, she’d never apologised, maybe if she’d have said ‘sorry’ just once then we might have had a half way decent relationship once more. I would never be able to trust her and Marshall around one another again.  As willful as I am, I was a kind person and I cared about if I hurt someone whereas Naomi it turned out was willful and a selfish girl.

We’d met up and I felt like she was a stranger almost, like I hadn’t given birth to her. It was very awkward, I made practically all of the conversation, she barely gave me anything. I never understood the saying that you could love someone and hate them at the same time before but I completely understood now. I loved Naomi and I told her so, she was a part of me after all but I couldn’t and wouldn’t let go of their betrayal just yet.
I’d be there for her in a shot if she needed me but we would never be what we once were. I would never close the door on our relationship completely, if she wanted to reach out for me, she was welcome too.

Even though we were separated neither of us had ever mentioned divorce and the situation was made even more painful by my discovery that I pregnant a few weeks after the wedding. Hormones and heartbreak, what a fucking horrible combination. I’d told Marshall straight away partly because the hormones were making me cruel and I wanted to hit him where I knew it would the most by threatening to deny him any access to my baby.
I’d avoided all talk about the affair I didn’t want to hear his reasons and excuses but it had come to a head a week before our daughter was born and we had screamed at one another for hours, I didn’t think I would ever stop such was the anger and vitriol spewing from my mouth, Marshall took it all, he said his piece and then let me lay into him double barrelled.

In the five years we’d lived apart I knew he’d never touched another woman, the people of Detroit were notoriously tight lipped about Marshall and the things he’d gotten up to in the past but within the city itself there was always some jealous bitch willing to whisper in my ear about some indiscretion or other but I’d heard nothing.
Marshall still loved me I was sure of it because I knew I still loved him too, I couldn’t let this go though he’d humiliated me, a once or twice mistake with some random stranger I might have eventually gotten my head around but a four year affair with his step daughter was not leaving my head at all.

Marshall adored Carrie, he moved out of our home so that I could move back in and be comfortable with the baby which I’d refused to do with him still living there, but he came over every day to see her, he was there for her bedtime story and he’d phone every morning to say hi to her, now she was a little older he had her overnight at his rented place. I was happy that I could be civil enough with him to be able to put our daughter first, don’t get me wrong sometimes when I watched them playing together I got so angry, I didn’t feel like part of their gang. They were close and I kept my distance from him and in turn Carrie when he was around. Hated that they went off and did things without me, angry as fuck at Marshall on those days for ruining our family.
I thought about it a lot over the years, I’d always insisted on attending those conferences myself, after all it was my business, I knew Marshall hated me being away that he was lonely and missed me and I could have delegated another member of staff to go for me, I’d hold my hands up to my part in that and now I had Carrie I was more or less a stay at home Mom which I loved and my business was being taken care of by a very good manager that I’d employed, on the other hand I refused to apologise for being successful, Marshall knew my career was important to me but I would have cut back on my trips had he asked me too.