The Storm Queen | Game of Thrones

Ten

Cassana

My breathing is shallow, my heart a void in my chest as I surrender the love I could have had, the love I ruined before it even truly began. Tyrion warned me, yet Jaime's words echo in my mind.

We don't get to choose who we love.

For a moment it was Robb. Those weeks with him feel so fleeting, yet there was such hope.

Now it feels as if that hope was only ever a dream. Whatever chance there was I destroyed for a love I knew could never be. They all warned me, yet here I am.

I could have lied. It's hardly like Jon would have been around much longer for Robb to discover the truth. But I can't lie. Not anymore. I need to save my lies for Kings Landing.

My mother stands in the doorway, for once concerned.

"You look as if you've aged years here in Winterfell."

"Perhaps I have. We'll all be returning to Kings Landing with more mistakes in our ledgers."

She eyes me carefully, no doubt wondering what I know, and what is still a mystery to me.

She tries to hide the nervousness in her voice. "And what mistakes have you made?"

"It seems us Lannisters are all doomed when it comes to love," I comment. "You, Tyrion." I look at her. "Jaime."

She treads carefully. "What of Jaime?"

I tilt my head and offer only a sly smile. "That is the question isn't it?" Before she can tread any further I change the subject, leaving her in her state of paranoia. "When do we return to Kings Landing?"

"After your drunken uncle heads North to the Wall," she answers and my stomach drops, knowing who leaves with him. "Are you suddenly glad to be leaving the Stark boy?"

"I'm not a fool," I answer, needing to hear it. "I know Grandfather has other plans for me, I hold more value than to be shipped off to the North. I know I will not marry him."

"Yes, but do not overestimate that value," she warns, giving me all the confirmation that I need, yet no amount could truly be enough. "You're scheme to take your fathers place on the council will not go over well."

I raise an eyebrow. "With who? The Red Keep? The council itself? Or with Grandfather?"

She makes a noise of surprise. "You are clever aren't you, far too clever for your own good."

And yet she still has no idea.

"Too clever for the liking of the Starks," I reply, still feeling the heat of Robb's anger towards me. "And for my own family it seems. Shouldn't you be supporting me considering your entire life you were sidelined for your sex?"

There is not just fear in her eye, but jealousy. "Do not think you won't suffer the same fate."

I smile. "We shall see."

~

It's late at night when I can bear to prepare to leave Winterfell. 

Jons' sword rests on my chest, to long to fit. In a way it's ironic, poetic even. That somehow fate was always bound to make sure it wouldn't be. That there would never be a moment of hope, from the beginning to the end.

There's a soft knock on the door in the middle of the night, and it's Jon who stands there, with an equal sorrow in his eyes.

"Can I?"

I nod and he shuts the door behind him. Just the presence of him overwhelms my senses, the silence between us agony until he breaks it.

"I know I shouldn't be here," he says hoarsely. "I know you have your duty to Robb."