26/2/2020
FALLING DOWN, again
do you ever just think of someone or something that it eventually depresses you so much? and when you search for the solution, it was never there...until you made the wrong decision. sudden regret sweep you away from your comfort zone. you are drowning, you absolutely regret not learning to swim from mum. it's not actually your fault she's such a stern coach. no one could put up with her too.
what do we have here? just a tremendous amount of homework which you feel like drowning yourself onto the papers. and yet, in exams, they ask where do the trees go? and may i say, it was such a dumb question. perhaps, the trees went to the paper-making factory? to make a whole bunch of stapled pile for us to answer. or to make 53 pages of science, maybe?
like we know, the adults right and we, children, are considered not-that-mature to give major opinions. well, excuse me, we, as children, answered a much higher level of questions. while the adults probably has an IQ of a whale. the world is on its revolutionary stages, and at the same, it's getting older. do they ask such high order thinking school so they could suck the students dry, by taking their answers? if not, how come even educated adults can't even answer the question they give us?
or- when they asked a question and shouted "RUDE" to children, just because they answered. just because someone younger, the so-called-inexperienced prove them wrong, they can easily scream "THUG" to them, child? and when their children stop talking to them about their days, they complained how their children might turn mute for not replying to them -when their voice are smaller than the mouse.
we should give up, on people that don't need us. some people might be annoyed by the way i write; and some too, admired mine. i live however and no one can change me otherwise.
why are they like this? questions are to be answered . And when we do, they say "wAcK" I can't believe their beliefs sometimes. Why can't they answer us like a normal, sane people would do. Do yelling and shouting make us understand any better? "We've been teenagers, so we understand more," they say.
So can someone tell me why, why do i feel a sudden urge to cry at times. Absolutely wrong time. Doesn't it hurts to blink your eyes thousands times just to make the tears disappear? Or when you randomly called someone and they failed to answer - the pain as if you're getting rejected so you just crawled into your bed just to find yourself bawling eyes out. Or when i feel like stabbing people every time i come across to living another day. That feeling when you can't cry because you think you don't have the rights too.
It's 3 in the morning, where your body- or may i say your soul are the weakest. This is often the time for people to die in their sleep, as if their body stop functioning after failing to restart. We are normal, its normal to have the same sanity level of the patients in they asylum in 90s; - in which the patients died of their own deeds.
The question i often asks myself, "what if I stop living?" And a voice in my head shouts you can't, you cant, those people need you. A long conversation i took with my whole self, took a part of dark spots and fills it with white, pure ones. These night were the nights where i decided to live, on others expectations, on others dreams; on my life. I don't want to go, i am curiosities. I am there everywhere around. These scars never comes real but it will carve its ways to bottom of heart. Buried down where white is winning and promises the darkness never dethrones.
Maybe, i wanna live a day more.
Finished 14/03/2020
YOU ARE READING
IAMGE || image
PoetryEpisodes of short stories. ; I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad. Mine was reversed, they wake up feeling better from a nightmare. While I, woke up onto a living nightmare.
