We're Still Nerds

23~ Impossible Forgiveness

"She won't like you being here," Trent breathed. His voice, though extremely quiet, was unmistakably shaky.

"Where should I hide?" I whispered in reply. "Did I say I cared whether or not she liked it?" he hissed, but his heart wasn't in it. His eyes didn't flash in annoyance the way they usually did, but fluttered to the door uncertainly. "You didn't have to," I responded calmly. "I'll wait in your room, okay? I promise I won't snoop."

"I don't believe you," he said, but didn't try to stop me as I got up, ducked my head as I passed the door to avoid being seen in the little window, and hurried into his bedroom, closing the door quietly. It was true that I didn't snoop around his bedroom, but I sure did snoop around his love life. I leaned against the door and pressed my ear into the wood, listening to the muffled sound of the front door creaking open and Trent's feigned surprise at the blonde and most assuredly pretty girl who was standing on his front steps.

Trent's bedroom directly emptied out into the foyer, so I didn't have trouble catching Darcy's shaky greeting and Trent's gruff response. What could Darcy possibly want from him, after everything she had done? After pretty much ruining his life, she decided she could just drop by whenever she felt like it? I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, but I was liking her less and less. I felt a pang of guilt for leaving Trent alone with her.

"I'm not here for a fight," Darcy began. I thought for a moment she sounded nervous, but when had Darcy ever been nervous? "I just want to talk."

"So talk." Trent's voice was flat. It was strange hearing such polar opposites interact, where the queen bee was more nervous than the loner she had manipulated. She sighed. "I've been thinking about what happened lately... about what I did."

"Which part? How you dumped me on the curb for a bunch of shallow assholes, or how you got me kicked out of my school and ruined my permanent record?" he inquired, his tone biting. I heard Darcy release a small sigh. "All of it. I've been thinking about how ridiculously immature I was, how I somehow got it into my head that I was in the right. And, I thought about how you didn't turn me in when you could've."

Now that, I hadn't heard. "Oh, please. Nobody would've believed me over Miss Perfect GPA. Don't mistake that for charity," Trent shot back. I rolled my eyes, and assumed Darcy did the same.

"I know you better than that, Trent. Tinsley would have taken your side, and a lot of other people would've backed you up. Almost everyone knew that bag of weed was mine. If you wanted to hurt me, you could have." Trent stayed silent, and I wondered where this conversation was leading.

"You've always been the better person out of the two of us. I guess I never really appreciated that until now. I've stolen everything from you-- your reputation, your scholarship, your friends-- and you just took it. Never once did you try to get back at me." Darcy sounded slightly awed.

"Getting back at you would have only brought on something even worse. And I have friends," Trent said defensively. He then amended, "Well, one friend. But she's better than the entire goon squad combined." As flattered as I was at his words, I thought to myself desperately, please don't bring me into this.

"Really? Who?" Darcy asked, and I could tell she was trying to keep the jealousy out of her voice. "Cassie Grey," he answered, and I cringed a little. Darcy groaned, and I heard her flop back against the couch. "I am getting really tired of her insistence in getting involved in my life." I tried to swallow the anger that fought its way up my throat.

Trent asked what I was thinking, his voice defensive, "Cassie is getting involved in your life?" Another rush of affection for Trent buzzed in my chest, and I smiled a little. "Yes," Darby snapped. "She shows up and ruins my best friend's relationship, and then proceeds to show me up and turn everyone against me-- but I wasn't here to talk about her," she calmed herself.

"Just say what you came here for and leave," Trent said shortly. I swallowed the urge to cheer. Darcy paused, and I wished I could've seen her expression. it was hard to understand what was running through the girl's head when she showed up at Trent's doorstep.

"I meant to say I'm sorry," Darcy finally got out, sounding a little hurt. Oh, I thought meekly. "I did some very horrible things because I was an immature little girl. I just want you to know that if I could take it all back, I would. I'm not looking for your forgiveness-- that is close to impossible-- but i couldn't live with myself if I didn't at least say that much."

I thought about Aidan, and how I said something very similar when I first moved back. It may have made all the difference in the world because, in the end, he did find a way to forgive me. But, then again, my crimes against him were nothing compared to Darcy's. I tried to imagine doing something so petty to Shaun, but couldn't. Nothing he could ever do would make me want to hurt him like that.

But if I did... Would Shaun have forgiven me?

"Is that it?" Trent said eventually, his voice void of emotion. "I-- yes," Darcy said in a small voice. "You can let yourself out then." It was silent for a moment, before quiet shuffling. The front door opened and clicked shut.

I slipped out of the bedroom and found Trent with his face in his hands. I walked over to him, pulled his hands gently out of the way. His eyes were dry, but there was a dead look to them I didn't like. I pulled him to his feet and wrapped my arms around him without hesitation. Trent stayed frozen in shock as I squeezed him, pressing my face into his angsty black Tshirt.

Eventually, he hugged me back, though it was more patting my back awkwardly than anything affectionate. When I released him, he raised his eyebrows at me, looking a little embarrassed. "I'm fine," he stated. "Really."

"Whatever you say." I rolled my eyes. Then, I looked up at him hesitantly. "If I hurt someone I cared about, I don't think I'd deserve forgiveness. But, if they loved me, I think they would find it in their hearts. If they didn't, I'd want them to move on and be happy. At least they would know how I felt."

Trent nodded, but stayed silent. I squeezed his hands and he gave me a small smile. "I don't think you'd ever do that to Shaun. You're nothing like Darcy." I swallowed my shock at him noticing Shaun and I; Trent was more observant than most.

"I think I've learned today that Darcy and I have more in common than I thought," I replied.

***
When Trent dropped me off at my house, I walked across my lame to Shaun's and knocked on the door. When he opened it, his hair wild as if he'd been sleeping and his eyes pleasantly surprised, I didn't let him greet me. Instead, I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pulled his lips to mine. He made a muffled sound of surprise and wrapped his arms around me, and I enjoyed the feeling of being completely wrapped up in his warmth. When we pulled away to breathe, I said, "I will never, ever hurt you. Ever. You got that?"

"You can hurt me as much as you want," Shaun replied, smiling in a confused way. "You can break my heart every day for the rest of my life, and I'll love every bit of it." He kissed the tip of my nose and I wrinkled it, smiling. He then kissed each of my dimples, warming my cheeks. "Does this mean we're worth a shot?"

"You're worth a lot of shots, Shaun Lynard," I replied, and it was his turn to close the distance.