Devil's Effect

The Truth Revealed

Jason sat on the couch in his pajamas for a good fifteen minutes after Ryan walked out the door. His eyes were looking at the bed in the corner, but not really seeing it. It was taking a little time to wrap his head around how spectacularly wrong telling Ryan about Seattle had gone. Even though he'd planned how to keep Ryan from telling Chester, it hadn't crossed his mind that Ryan would tell Mike. Now I have to explain it to Mike without upsetting him. I don't know what I was thinking. I panicked when Mike left to go see Chester. I could see them getting back together. Would Mike do that? Change his mind about us?

Last night he'd spent with Ryan, talking and giggling and making plans that he knew would never come to fruition. It felt like how they'd talked when he was still married to Mark. Plans of a future that didn't seem real to him, but sounded nice in a shared fantasy. The problem facing him now was that Ryan was actually excited to go to Seattle. It's one more thing I'll break his heart over. I was supposed to make him doubt us, not give him reasons to believe we're fine. It went the total opposite way. God, he even tried to drink wine. Jason dropped his head and looked at his hands. They were clutching his pajama pants and he hadn't even noticed. Mike was right about me owing Ryan better. He owed Chester better, too.

The past six months had showed Jason Wakefield a lot of things. He was capable of making his own decisions. He was independent, smart, financially responsible. He was doing fine without Mark. But the biggest thing he'd realized, once the seed had been planted via the voice notes in Mark's phone, was the distinct differences in him and Ryan. In Mike and Chaz. Jason knew for him, at least, those differences had been exciting when he and Ryan were first dating and for a long time after that. But he was able to realize that secretly being with Ryan and having a real relationship with him were two different things. He could love Ryan - and he did - but their incompatibility as life partners had become more and more apparent over the months. He tries, he does. But Mike, he doesn't have to try. He just fits. Socially, culturally, he fits. When we're together, it won't be this shock like it was with Ryan. I already know he's an artist, so he appreciates art on an intellectual level. He's a musician. He comes from money and class. He's just different. There won't be any surprises. It occurred to him that his thoughts were somewhat an effect from Mark's words, but it made more and more sense to Jason the more he studied all of them and the way they interacted.

Part of him had been waiting for Mike to look at the whole situation and ask, what's going to keep you from leaving me too, or cheating on me, when you did it to Mark, you did it to Ryan? The truth was, Jason didn't know what to say if Mike ever thought to ask. He just hoped that he didn't. Jason knew he would never look Mike in the eyes and say, "I know you're the one because Mark chose you. He saw the chemistry. He's never wrong." It was part of the reason he knew Ryan and Chester were meant to be together. He knew it with the same certainty that Brad predicted things. When Mark paired people together, he didn't miss.

So what do I do now, hon? I'm going to break Ryan's heart, and if I don't, I'll break Mike's. Why did you have to show me Mike? Ry and I would have been happy. Was it really just because you knew he needed to be with Chaz? You always wanted the best for him. Jason looked around the loft. His loft. He remembered the excitement of picking it out, the look on Mark's face as he generously presented him the keys and told him to do what he wanted with the space. It lasted just long enough for him to buy furniture before Mark was handing it over to Chaz. Is that what you were mad about? That I took Ry from him? Or that Mike took Chaz from you? I guess it doesn't matter now, even though you still seem to affect every decision we make.

The loft and its memories would be a non-issue when he was in Seattle, and it was something Jason was looking forward to more than anything. He wanted the exact opposite of the kind of place they'd stayed last year for YRS. Something nice, something upscale, but definitely smaller. Intimate. Just enough room for the two of them to have space when they wanted it. The two of us. Me and Mike. I hope I can get him to understand. The look on Mike's face last night as he made a point to drink the wine they were meant to share told him it wasn't going to be easy to explain himself.