Devil's Effect

In Front of the Camera

The sound of the shower was background noise as Mike sat at the dining table, his back to the bar as the natural light from the windows shined on his workspace. He was shading a pathway leading into trees and disappearing in the distance. It was a sketch he'd drawn many times in his life, one that seemed to come out whenever he was wishing he could disappear. The idea of walking down that lonely path and getting lost behind the trees was appealing. He constantly bit at his bottom lip while he detailed the vanishing point in the picture.

Chester and Ryan were at work, another Saturday that they were all spending apart in the course of just a month. Ever since that cologne shoot, things have been off. Well, they were off before that. But it's been worse. He never came and apologized. We just sort of ignored it, but the feelings haven't gone away. I still don't like how things are with Ryan. And Ches and Jay still don't think anything is wrong with it.

Mike glanced briefly in the direction of the bathroom. They hadn't talked when Jason came in from Brad's smelling like sage. The corners of Mike's lips tipped up in a brief smile. He couldn't wait to hear what crazy stories Brad had shared while he and Jason were supposed to be talking business. Jason hadn't been away as long as Mike thought he would be, and then he'd come in with the strong smell of sage surrounding him. Brad probably called him over to cleanse his aura. His darkness. Mike rolled his eyes, but then his small smile dropped. Maybe I need him to cleanse my aura. Maybe he could do something to make things right between me and Ches.

His phone chimed, and Mike reached for it without looking. It was his email notification, and usually those were cancelled lessons or something to do with Red Pelican Music. Just as he'd thought, the email was from his boss. Mike sat his pencil down and scrolled through the email. It was a request for a headshot of Mike to go along with his biography on the studio website. He looked through the instructions and put his phone to the side. I'll deal with that later. Maybe Ches can help me get a decent picture on my phone.

Mike's shoulders curled in a little as he thought of his boyfriend. He didn't want to admit it, but things between them weren't the way he wanted them to be. Strained wasn't the right word, but more like cordial. And Mike wasn't looking for cordial. He missed the easiness that used to define his relationship with Chester. It almost seemed like they were tiptoeing around each other at this point, especially when it came to work, or Ryan, or the therapy Chester had started almost a month ago.

Therapy. Mike blew out a long breath as his pencil moved over to darken the shadows under his willow trees. I know he needs it. I know it's important, and maybe it's helping. I don't want him to have nightmares. I don't know how to fix those. It's just so expensive. We're working ourselves like crazy to make it happen, and there's still not enough left over to save. Nothing to help us get our own place, which I know would help. A little distance between Ches and Ryan couldn't be a bad thing. Distance between me and Jay, too. There's nothing left for me to start school, either. And then there's those pills. Ever since he's been taking those anti-depressants, it's like he doesn't even want me to touch him. I know he said that's just a side effect, and it won't be forever, but it feels like forever. I'm trying to be good. I know this is important right now. It's important for us that he's better. Eventually we'll move out, when he's better. I want him to be better. I want us to be better.

Mike glanced up and his eyes fell on the Save the Date card he'd pulled from the mail that day. His old roommate Anna was engaged, and they'd set a date a year from now for the wedding. The card showed three engagement pictures, and Mike had examined them closely before he got out his sketchbook. She looks happy. I can't believe she's getting married before me. She hasn't even been dating this guy that long. Less than I've been with Ches.