mixed poems

conversations with myself

what if he still cared ? you don't understand I love this kid too much but I want him back but what if he does it again , like ya I want to tell my mom but I can't . I want him , I miss him, I just want to hug him . make me smile , I've never had been so "serious" with anybody like ugh why does he got to this ya , you or someone else going to tell me " oh he's a . player" but fuck man these feelings won't go away. I really like this kid , makes me mad and upset that he runs through my mind, I can't even listen to a fucking song with remind me about the happy things we "did". texting some other guy isn't the same , I just stopped what was I doing and texted him back. gosh I was really happy seeing him everyday now I can't even looking at him with saddens/anger , why am I talking to myself? like rlly I can only talk about this with myself. this my sound stupid but I still like him even though he's done this twice already , I really don't know how to feel about this. like ya I try to act all tough and not care but deep inside it really does , ive never been so fooled like this , I feel stupid , no good , just want to get away from the world ha I just need him with me right now , fuck I've never had feelings like this but really what can a 15 yr old girl do about it , just cry and cry after tear and tear. I hate crying in front of my mother and tell her im crying about something else and not him idk how to feel about this I just want him literally fuck my life