The Good and The Bad (Complicated Love Story)

Chapter Nine: Nothing Else to Give

Dedicated to my latest fan. 

Dotty and Scott lay in a spooning position completely out of breath. Out of breathe for the simple reason of trying too hard. Scott did indeed catch her but both were so nervous and unprepared that the condom kept breaking or sliding off. In a way Dotty was happy with the outcome. A part of her was upset at herself for only trying to sleep with Scott to make up for participating in bad deeds with Cal. And a part of her was upset at herself in that very moment for thinking of Cal and not the sweetest guy who lay not even centimeters away. Thinking of Cal has just gone too far, Dotty thought, it’s like she had a crazy addiction.

“Are you okay?” Scott asked, kissing her neck.

“Yeah, you?”

“Yeah.” He pulled her closer. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too. So, what do you want to do?”

“Just lay here with you and get over the embarrassing fact of not being able to perform in bed.”

“Oh come on, we’re new at this.” Dotty had turned around to face Scott. “How about I cook us a nice dinner?”

“It’s one in the morning!” Scott said laughing.

“Even better.” Dotty gave Scott a lingering kiss before heading to kitchen. Things felt to Dotty as if they were getting awkward so anything but laying naked with Scott after a failed attempt at intercourse was better than staying in bed.

“You wanted to talk about us, then fine.”

“Wait…what?”

“You said I never want to talk about us, how about I head over and we talk?”

“Uh, yeah, okay.”

Dotty hung up knowing that what she was doing had a perfectly good explanation. If she was to continue things with Scott she had to settle things with Cal.

“Hey.” Cal said ushering Dotty in. she headed straight to his bedroom but not before giving Tanya and Steve a quick hello and kiss on the cheek. Cal followed behind and shut the door.

“Maybe we should keep the door open.” Dotty was not going to let another make out session happen.  

Cal reluctantly opened the door.

“So…you wanted to talk…?”

“Yes, Cal. But you may not like what I have to say. Which I doubt you will…or I will…I don’t know what I’m saying because…damn you.”

Cal let out a snigger and sat across from Dotty on the bed. Dotty was admiring, more like purposely staring at the quilt not wanting to meet Cal’s eyes.

“I love you.” She whispered.

“W-what?”

“You heard me. Please don’t make me say it again. Because…because I shouldn’t. My wrongful love for you is what stopped me from having…”Dotty stopped herself. “Why did you ask me to go to that concert…why?”

“Because I really did miss you.”

Dotty continued staring at the quilt. Why could she never just talk like a normal human being, she thought. When it came to being serious in conversation Dotty seemed allergic to the concept. Yet she blamed Cal for the same thing. Maybe blaming Cal helped her to escape her own faults when it came to expressing her feelings for him. Five years. Five years she had known Cal and not once had she ever thought of him as more than a friend. Someone to kiss, hold hands with, talk about the future…all that was what she had with Scott. So why was it she felt these feelings for Cal when Scott gave her everything she could possibly want? Why is it that Cal had the ability to make her feel alive? Did she seriously just tell Cal she loved him?

“I mean…I love you as a friend.”

“Ah.”

“Yeah, I realized now that, I never told you, as my friend I love you and thank you for being there for me.”

“Seriously, Dotty?”

“Yes. I don’t love you…like that…”

“Well…what was up with…”

“That was a mistake. And you know it. We can’t ruin five years of friendship. We can’t make that mistake.”

“No, you can’t.”

“Cal…”

“Why can’t you just admit what you feel for me? What you really feel for me? Why? Why is that so hard for you?”

“It’s not…”

“Yes, it is. Either you love me Dotty, or you don’t. Because I have nothing else to give you.”

“What do you mean?”

“If you can’t accept or at least begin to accept what you actually feel then you can longer be in my life.”

“How the hell are you going to backfire this onto me, Cal?! I came here to talk to YOU. Not the other way around. I should have never have come here. I should of…never have led you on!”

“There is no such thing as leading someone on. You did those things because you feel something. I’m sure Scott…”

“Don’t you dare talk about him. He is a far better man than you will ever be! At least he asked me out. At least he tells me he loves me, when I am not dating someone. He wasn’t a coward!”

“Are you calling me a coward?! After the things we have done over the past few weeks? And you came here to tell me you love me as a friend? You are being a coward. You are running away like you always do, Dotty.”

“I am not! I came here willingly, Cal. To tell you that we either be friends and act normal or…”

“Or what, Dotty? I can’t be your friend. I’m sorry, but I can’t”

Dotty and Cal stared at each other for what seemed like an endless minute. Dotty felt herself come close to tears and rushed out making her car the destination.

“Leaving so soon, sweetie?” Tanya called out.

“Uh, yeah, got tons of school work, you know.” She gave Tanya and Steve a quick hug before rushing out. Her heart felt as though it had been stabbed repeatedly. Did Cal just dump her as a friend? Dotty jumped in the car and sped away as fast as the tears came.

Dotty knew she couldn’t go home just yet due to the endless tears. She called Bridget to let her know she’d be by to explain things. What she needed was a best friend to talk that was of the opposite sex, preferably straight so there was no way an attraction could be made.

Bridget openly welcomed her inside and Dotty began the endless tale of her relationship with Cal and the almost sex with Scott.

“Oh, Dotty, I can take care of Cal if you want me to.”

“I wish, I think this is something I have to take care of myself.” Dotty said.

“I understand. Just know that this best friend is here for you.”

Of course, Dotty left out the parts of her and Cal almost getting it on. She told her more of the emotional stress relationship with Cal. Knowing that Bridget wouldn’t judge, Dotty still couldn’t let those parts out of the bag.

Dotty soon left Bridget’s and informed Scott she was heading home. A nice game of Fifa would suffice, Dotty thought. She had received no messages or calls from Cal so he must have been serious about not wanting to be friends. She didn’t understand why she was so upset. Her focus needed to be on her relationship with Scott, not her messed up relationship with Cal. It all goes back to the ‘if onlys’, Dotty thought. Cal had said he had nothing else to give her if she didn’t accept him as her partner or whatever it is he wanted. Dotty hit the steering wheel in frustration. “Nothing else to give!” Dotty yelled. “Nothing else to give my ass! Who is he…” Dotty stopped to realize she had her window down and strangers were glancing at her as if she was a crazed individual. Dotty sighed in defeat and promised herself that it was good thing her and Cal were finally over. Because she simply had nothing else to give him, too. Because giving him her heart wasn’t an option for he already had it. How is it one can love two people, Dotty thought, how is that humanly possible? If she loved those two people any more than she did her heart would be simply burst.