Begin Again

LETHAL

That night, the sky was clear. There were no stars to share his secrets or soothe the knot that was strangling him to death from the inside. Delano's fingers touched involuntarily on the pegasus that was hanging from his neck, feeling the delicate carvings under his skin, its reflected silver rays glowing in the corner of his eye. 

Flavien Cadieux is dead. 

He could still feel that feeling in his heart when he heard the news a few hours ago and there was a tiny commotion around him, but all the voices faded into the background when those four words kept echoing in his head. It felt like something heavy had fallen onto his chest, making it difficult for him to breathe, and he was choking on air. 

Here he was, sitting on the roof, waiting for Belle, not knowing if she would come. 

'I won't be around for the next few days,' She had told him on Wednesday, explaining that she had some urgent family errands to run and would be away. 

But even without her, Delano would still come up to their spot. That seemed to become his hideout from whatever was going on in his life. When he was sitting there, he could feel his breathe coming back, and it was calm and peaceful, like what he had gone through in the day was just the scenes playing in some kind of movie, like it was someone else's life he was witnessing. She would be his anesthetic drug, and he could numb the pain with her in his arms. 

'I wish we could be like this forever,' he said to her a few nights ago. 

She was silent, but she leaned in to lie on his shoulder and rested her hand on his chest, which was rising and falling steadily. They stayed that way for a few minutes, neither one of them wanted to break the peacefulness they were sharing like they were in a bubble, and if there were words the bubble would break and they would fall apart from each other's embrace. 

At last, Belle decided to follow her heart, and she took a leap. 

'I love you.' 

Those words were supposed to bring about some kind of burden or responsibility, but it felt easy and simple for her to say it to him, though she was trembling slightly when the thoughts about the things from her past were chaining her spiritually away from him. He smiled. They didn't need to know each other a lifetime to feel the connection. 

'I love you too.' 

And now he needed her to be next to him, to tell him that it's alright, to hold his hand and warm it in hers, to give him a hug and stay that way throughout the night. Or forever. 

His mother had been in shock since she heard the news from him. As much as they both were mad at Flavien, neither of them wanted him dead. 

After all, he was both a husband and a father once. 

***

'Latest news: Hollywood producer Flavien Cadieux is dead. The fatal car accident took place at approximately eight twenty-five in the morning yesterday. His legal case will be held on hold till further notice. The authorities would like to offer their sincere condolences to his family...' 

The television was switched off. Delano held the remote in his sweaty hands as if he was trying to break it into two. He stood up and threw the innocent remote onto the couch, which bounced off and hit the floor with a loud thump. He sat down slowly and buried his head in his hands, his fingers pressing hard onto his skull. He wanted all of this to go away. 

Five teenagers sat around the table. It was one in the afternoon, the sun hanging high on the sky, the shadows suddenly seemed darker than they were in the morning, turning into figures that could not be made out into definite shapes. 

Zeke wanted to say something. His mouth opened for a moment or two, and then he closed it again. He gulped, swallowing all the words and questions that were lingering around at the back of his throat. No one knew what to say. There was nothing to say that would make it right. So they just sat there, occasionally throwing glances at each other, signaling someone to make the first move. 

Delano had been extremely silent. The only sound he made was when he came into the cafe and banged his fist a little too hard on the table. He closed his eyes and tried to feel the calmness in the ocean waves that were playing from the stereo. But all he could hear was the voice of his father in his mind, the sound of tires screeching that he had imagined as how the accident had happened. 

'So...' Fletcher cleared his throat. Everyone tossed their looks at Delano, who could have been mistakenly believed to be asleep. He opened his eyes. 

'I'm fine, guys,' he said, exhausted. His breathe was light, like the air in his lungs was scarce, and if he used them up he would collapse any minute then. 

Piper put her hand on his, which had been folded into a tight fist. He loosen his grip. Then the others followed suit until their hands piled up and their heads were close. 

'The funeral's tomorrow,' Delano said. 

'We'll be there.' They replied. 

'For you.'

***

Delano looked at himself one last time in the mirror before he headed out. He was wearing a black suit with a white buttoned-down shirt and a black tie. It had been months since he last wore an outfit like this. 

Whether he liked it or not, he looked somewhat like his father. His tall physique and brown hair were from his father's genes. Their faces looked similar, though his blue eyes were his mother's. 

At the service, Delano was standing beside his mother. There were a few relatives, his friends, some directors from other companies they had been working with, and the remaining seats in the chapel were empty. 

The world was buzzing around him when the service went on. When it was time for his mother to give an eulogy, all he could see was her mouth opening and closing. He knew how sad she was feeling, his father was the only man that she had ever loved. 

Between pauses, he heard traces of her words like 'wonderful husband', 'responsible' and'beautiful memories' , though deep down he knew that the truth had been the exact opposite. 

But since it was his father's funeral, he decided to be the big man, to forgive his father's irresponsibility. 

After all, this would be the last of him. 

When it ended, Delano felt like the weight of the world had just been lifted off his shoulders. He walked out of the chapel and took a deep breathe, the smell of green grass filling up his lungs. His friends were right behind him when he turned around after hearing the sound of their shoes on the slightly muddy ground. The guys were wearing their best suits for the occasion, and the girls were wearing black dresses. 

Delano smiled, closed his eyes and hugged them. It felt warm and safe to be in their embrace, like everything was alright. 

When he opened his eyes, he could have sworn that he saw a black shadow moving between the trees beside the chapel. He blinked hard, but it had disappeared into thin air, leaving only leaves rustling in the wind.

For a moment or two, he thought he had saw a black cape.