LUXURE

27. say your goodbyes

"Are you ready? The car is here." I heard Giovanni say from the doorway of the bathroom. I stood in front of the tall mirror with mixed emotions flooding over me.

"I'm ready." I nodded. Giovanni left the bathroom, but my feet felt cemented to the floor. I looked at myself one last time. I tied my hair back in a long loose braid with pieces in the front falling down the sides of my face. I bought a nice dress for the occasion. The dress was black with black flowers embroidered into it and landing just above my knees. The dress flowed freely and was the extreme polar opposite of the costumes I wear at work. I paired the dress with a pair of black heels with a thicker heel. They weren't very tall and were easy to walk in with straps that  clipped around my ankles. I didn't bother with much makeup, just a bit of mascara and some lip gloss. 

I finally pulled myself away from the mirror and made my way out of the bathroom. Jordie and Giovanni were standing by the elevator. They were wearing matching suits as per Jordie's request. Jordie's hair was still a wild mop on top of his head, but I didn't even bother brushing it out for him, he seemed insistent on having it the way it was. Giovanni, on the other hand, had gelled his hair back and freshly shaved for the day. He looked so handsome and put together while I felt like I was falling apart. I attempted a smile as I made my way over to the two.

We quietly went downstairs and piled in to the car that was outside waiting for us. Jordie climbed into the front passenger seat while Giovanni and I scooted into the backseat. I couldn't pin point the emotion I was feeling, but it felt like a mix of anxiety, sadness, and anger. I hadn't noticed I was bouncing my knee up and down until Giovanni laid his hand over my thigh and gave it a gentle squeeze. I turned my attention from the window to Giovanni who looked concerned as he eyes watched me. I attempted another smile and placed my hand over his. The ride was silent, but not awkward, it felt peaceful. 

When we arrived at the cemetery my breath hitched in my throat as I looked over the rows and rows of gravestones piled high with flowers and wreaths scattering the ground. Giovanni must have been able to sense this as he grabbed my hand and squeezed it before pulling me in to his side and placing a protective arm around me. I looked at Jordie who was now standing next to me and I could tell he was feeling the same thing. I grabbed his hand and together the three of us followed the man in the suit who greeted us. Everything seemed a blur and I as people were talking to us I wasn't able to comprehend what they were saying. 

"This is Robert, he's leading the ceremony today." Giovanni whispered into my ear as my eyes focused on the man walking in front of us. I simply nodded in response and squeezed Jordie's hand. The man led us to a large hole in the ground with a casket placed on top. I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw the grave stone behind it. 

"Here lies a beloved mother" I whispered to myself as I read the stone. I felt Giovanni's arm around me pull me in tighter. Realization set in that our mom was in that casket never to be heard from again. Her memory is the only part of her that still lives. Tears slid down my cheeks as I silently cried. The ceremony began and words were said. We had the opportunity to speak and I had planned a short speech, but when the time came I couldn't seem to find my voice or the courage. 

"I want to say something." Jordie said as he stepped up to the podium. He pulled a piece of crumpled up paper out of his pocket. Here I was crying like a baby while he found the courage to step up and speak at her funeral. He's always been so strong but this truly shocked me.

"My mama was the beautifulest mama that ever lived." He said with enthusiasm. "Even when she didn't feel good, she always took care of me and Scar. She gave us everything she could and I wish I could have given her everything too." He said as he looked down. "I'll never forget my mama and I'll be sure to tell everyone I can all about her." He said as he wiped his cheek. Giovanni started clapping and the few people surrounding us clapped as well. It was only then that I realized there were more people there than I thought. Mostly there were Giovanni's men, but there were also a few people I had never seen before. Everyone was dressed in black with somber looks on their faces.