my feelings

Every Day

Why am I always the culprit?
Why am I always the point?
Why do I always have to let everything come over me?
Why can't I just stand up for myself?

I walk down the street, after being called by young guests. Walk on. Not listening! Walk on. Do not look! Walk on. They have no idea. Walk on.

I'm at school, people get a dirty look. Do not look. Do not react. It is your own fault that they do so. Don't look back. Finally, they are gone.

Cycle home, tired of fighting myself about how to respond to people. And if I have to respond. Tears are coming, put them away! You are not worthy to howl like a baby, just like 'he' said to you years ago!

Be home, go upstairs, turn on music and look at the wall. Scheldt myself rotten for who I am and why I cannot live like everyone else. Why I can't talk about my feelings like everyone else.

Listen my sister, anger boils up in me. She also doesn't cooperate. She doesn't know anything about me, but she has to say that it is my own fault and that I am weak and committed to it. Don't listen to it, it sounds soft. The anger gets the head and I'll call! If I could throw my mouth open, but I can't.

Locked in myself, curses on my head when I offered the words at the perfect moment. But my mouth doesn't cooperate ... Frustration comes to mind. It is now at the top. The top of the mountain that divides you between life and death. Not yet, I promised some things. Promised to people, I can't go! Even though I had done it for myself for a long time. But I can't choose for myself. Because I am nobody, I was told that myself ....

End

First part of this acc. I write down what I feel at this / that moment. Now that I'm in a dip, it is more often this kind of poetry. I remain anonymous so that no people find out that I am writing this. What I write about my sister is by no means always !! She sometimes makes comments that almost every big sister makes. But I just can't handle them right now. So plz don't hate my sister or something because she can be very nice. The song at the top is a kind of 'power' song for me. I deliberately chose the horse video clip because I love horses. (Translates at Google translate)