Dear you,
you did it again. you did that crap a-freaking-gain. why? why did you? then you wonder why i am the way i am.
i tried my best to ignore it, to pretend it didn't bother me... but that was all just an act. it did bother me. so much. i hated it. couldn't you tell? i wouldn't even look you in the eyes. you were staring at me, your beautiful brown eyes piercing through me, but i didn't look back. i couldn't. i couldn't let you win. it wasn't fair. why do you do that to me?
it was a love-hate thing again today. i love you, so damn much. but that's why i hate you... because you'll never love me back. i hate you so damn much for that. why can't you just see it?
maybe you're slowly realizing it? i don't know. you stare at me, as if you're trying to figure me out, but i won't let you. i won't ever let you. you don't deserve it, you don't deserve to know me.
i just wish you weren't with her today...maybe i would've loved you more, but i couldn't. not when you were with her. but, it was kinda funny. you were with her...and yet... you kept staring at me. could you tell it bothered me? is that why you kept looking at me? did you want some type of reassurance or something? if that's the case, don't waste your time. don't bother, because you're not going to get it. don't hope for something you'll never get. that's something i should try as well, sadly.
you just...confuse things when you send me mixed signals. you try your very best, to talk to me, to get my attention, to get me to look at you. you try literally anything just to interact with me, and somehow...you freaking manage to. but why? that's my question. why do you do it? that? it's like you can see that I'm trying, i'm really, really trying to not want you-- to love you. and i feel as if i make it obvious, that you can tell i'm trying not to want you. but if i make it obvious, how is it that you haven't figured it out yet?
is it because you want me to keep loving you--to keep wanting you? it seems as if that's what you want. as if you don't want me to move on from you, even though i very much desire to. i want to move on from you...you just make it so difficult by being so...perfect.
stop making this harder than it needs to be. please.
from, lei
YOU ARE READING
Letters to you
RandomThese are letters that i write just for him. these are my secretive thoughts, feelings, and observations of the boy i love. it's like a diary, but for everyone other than my parents to read. you may relate, and if you don't, you'll think ima sweet p...
