Luna? No sir i'm a Marine

Sink or swim

My body pushed flat against the wall. Not even a magazine could fit between us. My hands pinned above my head and my body kept in place by this hips.

He's towering above me. His shadow casting me in darkness but somehow separating us from the pain of real life. His broad shoulders like iron bars caging me in. I was never good with being caged in. Even after everything I've said, thought and been through he manages to turn me into a hypocrite. I'm one thing until he's around and my world's flipped upside down. I don't believe in true love but he makes me doubt. I hate being trapped unless it's in his arms. I want to leave until I see him. There's a million reasons why I should give him up but I can't. He's like good cocaine, I messed around and now i'm addicted.

I can't even remember what I was going to say. He was staring at me so intently. His eyes blazing, taking me in. His hold telling me he's desperate, like if he lets me go then i'm going to disappear......again. Just by looking in a persons eyes you can figure out what they're hiding, what they're feeling even if they have a great poker face. That's something we share. We both had trouble putting our feelings into words, instead we find it easier to push people away but like I said with him it's different. I'll push him away but I can't seem to release my grip, so I just end up pulling him back in again. He let his guard down and allowed me to read him like an open book. I could see the sadness, desperation and anger in his eyes. It's hard to explain but the way he looked at me, it's like he's angry at himself. The anger doesn't extend to me, almost like it's going straight through me like i'm a mirror, if you can understand that.

I could tell that he's slowly tearing down the walls I built all those years ago. And to be honest that petrifies me. I've never felt so naked, so vulnerable. He knows my weakness's, he knows my strength's and somehow he's both. It's like he's a knife and someone has drove it into my heart. He's embedded. I have to make a decision. I can either pull it out, watch myself slowly bleed to death and wallow in self-pity as I try to mend the wounds or I could just leave him. Learn to love him, let him become part of me. I was set on the first one, but I couldn't get the words out. They're on the tip of my tongue but neither of us have said anything. I have everything I need to set us free, to unhook him from this death marked love but I can't bring myself to do it. His small actions only fuel that side of me.

I'm so confused. I wish someone would just make the decision for me. I wish this was different. Maybe if I wasn't a Marine. Maybe if we met in a different way, time or place. Maybe if he was honest from the start. Maybe if I wasn't so stubborn. But I was dealt this hand and I don't know how to play my cards. I need guidance, I need love, I need help, I need him.

"Do not even think about finishing that sentence." He dropped my hands, his landing on my waist.

"Nothing I've said so far has worked. I want to see the honesty in your eyes, I want to make sure you're 100% about this. And if you are then I won't force you to be with someone you hate.
So look me in the eyes and tell me you don't want this"

"I don't want this." My heart was in my mouth, i'm pretty sure he can hear it racing. My voice was strong but I could hear it wavering.

His lips running up and down my neck, causing me to shiver in delight. He knows exactly what he's doing to me.

"Tell me to stop."
"S-stop" he planted a light kiss at the base of my neck and then pulled back.

"Tell me that you're going to walk out that door and never look back." His hands dancing across my waist as he rests his forehead on mine.
"I'm going to walk out that door and never look back." Panting. My breath shallow.

His eyes flicked to my lips. "Tell me you don't love me."

My eyes widened. Do I love him? Don't I? I need to leave. I don't necessarily want to. I feel like i'm free falling and I can't stop it but do I want to? Will he catch me?