The Lover's Diaries

I Worry About Him

As I brush my teeth that night, I can't help but worrying. This serial killer is.... really bad news, to say the least. And of all the detectives in all of the cities in all of the state, they send in my husband. I shake my head, telling myself Danny's the best, and he knows how to take care of himself. He's skilled in combat and has a tactical mind. Unfortunately, that mind is also impulsive and has a hero complex.
I spit out my toothpaste and rub my eyes; I'm tired, and my back is hurting.... ugh. I sound so old when I say that. I know that I just need sleep. Sleep and Danny. I walk out of our room and head to my oldest's.
It's late, and he should be asleep. Softly I open the door and pad in. I lean over and kiss his head, telling him to have good dreams. I linger a bit, just remembering the anxiety that came with trying to get pregnant. I stand and go to my youngest's room. I do the same thing, but his voice stops me from exiting.
"Mom?"
"What is it, honey?" I walk back in and sit on his bed. He was our surprise baby; a baby that couldn't have waited for the next year to be conceived.
"What's, uh.... this serial killer, he's bad news, huh?"
I smile sympathetically; everyone is scared for my husband. The serial killer, Thomas Wilder, he beat Danny. He beat Danny good. Danny still has the sling, the bruised eye, and cuts on his forehead. "Yeah. He is."
"But Dad will catch him, right?"
"Yeah.... Sean, listen. Your dad's going to catch this guy, like he always does. He may get a little hurt in the process, but he'll always come home."
"How do you know?"
I see him watching as I play with my wedding rings. I look at the bands- the wedding band, the engagement ring, and the promise ring. "Cause he promised me he would." I pat his knee, "Dad will be okay. Try to sleep, hm?"
Sean nods, and I can tell he isn't satisfied, but is willing to accept it. "Night, Mom."
"Good night. I love you." I kiss his forehead.
"Love you too."
I quietly exit his room and walk to mine. I get under the covers, and toss and turn till I hear the slamming of a car door. Quickly, I pretend I'm asleep. After about twenty minutes, I start to worry. I want to see where my husband is; but as soon as I shift to investigate, I hear his footsteps coming. Again, I pretend to sleep.
I hear him sigh, a long, weary sigh. He sits on the bed with groans and grunts; I know his ribs are cracked, and I know that's gotta hurt. He's too tired to shower, as he gets in bed right after he undresses. With more grunts, he turns to his side. I smell his breath, and it smells like coffee and fast food.
I hope he talks to me. At night, when he thinks I'm sleeping, he usually pours out his heart. I don't know if he knows how I shift to lay my head on his heart, or how I hug him when he needs it. Maybe he notices, maybe he doesn't.
Another sigh and my hand's on his heart. He takes it in his, and kisses the fingertips. He moves to the joints, down the digits, and to the knuckles. He bites down on my ring finger knuckle, and I bite back a moan. His lips trailed to the back of my hand, leaving no inch untouched. He then moves to my palm, lightly biting it as well. He doesn't leave hickeys, he just gives me that little shot of pain. I can't help the moan as I shift towards him. I want to lay on him, make him see stars, knock the breath out of him with my kisses and touches.
"Didn't mean to wake you." Danny shifts closer.
"You didn't. I was...." I sigh, "awake" as I roll to my back, gently pushed my him.
He moves over me, his arms bracket on either side of my head. He kisses me slowly, but oh-so-passionately; he knows I'm tired, he can hear it in my voice. But he still kisses me; he rests his forehead on mine, and tells me his fears, his worries.
It's late, and I'm going to hate myself for it, but I kiss him hungrily. He needs to feel how much I love him; how much of a hero he is in my eyes; how he's the only man for me.