News Flash

When the Flash is slow

Now:

Wally West is the fastest man alive. So why does it feel like all the gears in his head are grinding to a halt, like he's moving through a wall of invisible molasses? They'd ducked into a warehouse to hide from the Thanagarians, he reminded himself, that was how it started. J'onn had said they needed to change into their civilian identities. Wally had protested, and Batman had pointed to him and said "You're Wally West."

That was the beginning, Wally thinks. That was when everything started to go wrong.

Batman had pointed at Superman and said, "He's Clark Kent"--and upon reflection, which he seems to be doing a lot of right now, Wally decides that was when everything had started to go totally haywire with his brain, hearing that.

And then Batman had reached up and grabbed his own cowl and pulled and--there is this fascinating sensation of nausea that seems to be acting just fine at superspeed, rushing ahead of his mind--

Wally is staring at him and his mind is racing and yet somehow the memories are coming back too slow, too slow, and he's never going to react in time, he's just staring and remembering and oh God.

: : :

Six months ago

"I mean, I couldn't believe it!" Wally took another bite of his sandwich and waved his arms wildly at an amused-looking John Stewart. "The nerve of that guy! Did you hear about this, Supes?"

"Hear about what?" asked Superman as he walked into the meeting room. "And you shouldn't be eating in here, Flash." Batman floated into the room behind him like his shadow, all gloom and foreboding, as Wally finished off his sandwich in three super-fast bites and shrugged.

"We were checking out the new digs and--would you believe it?--we came across our mysterious benefactor making out with some guy right on this table!" He rapped his knuckles on the table for emphasis, noting that Superman looked about as horrified as he had. "They were sprawled across it, all hot and heavy-like, just groping at each other like a couple of horny teenagers."

Superman's face was stiff with discomfort, and his cheeks had gone red. "That does sound inappropriate and...ill-advised. But Mr. Wayne did donate a very large sum of money to build these headquarters, so it probably behooves us to overlook it this one time. I'm sure it won't happen again," he said emphatically. "I'll have a talk with him about it."

"It's human nature," grated Batman.

"I beg your pardon?" Superman said, glaring at him, and Flash zipped to a chair and settled in. Listening to Superman and Batman argue was always fun.

"Human beings are generally impulsive. The extremely wealthy often have especially poor impulse control, after a lifetime of getting whatever they want when they want it. So one can't be too surprised that, given time alone with his boyfriend on the Watchtower, Wayne would give in to the impulse to...christen the council table."

"You don't think much of human beings, do you?" growled Superman.

"I know they tend not to be able to resist temptation," Batman said blandly, crossing his arms and meeting Superman's gaze with those creepy white lenses.

"Well, I hope he resists the temptation from now on," grumbled Flash. "He didn't seem the least bit embarrassed, but his boyfriend seemed pretty mortified. That's right, he's from Metropolis, reporter for the Planet" he exclaimed, turning to Superman. "He's written some stuff about you, right? Clark Kent--do you know him? Did you know he was dating Bruce Wayne?"

Superman looked uncomfortable. "I...don't remember reading that in the papers."

"I wonder what a guy like him did to score a billionaire boy toy," mused Flash.