Being me is hard but I have a boyfriend that is loyal, I am fairly pretty, but those facts about myself are probably why I don't have many friends. The only friends I do have, only follow me around because I'm popular, like minions. They wouldn't like me so much if they knew that I was using them. They get me drugs, alcohol, and anything else I "need". Sometimes, I almost feel sorry for them, but then I realize that they are pretty much my slaves, and no one feels sorry for slaves. Everyone believes that I'm rich and can get everything that I want, but they don't know me, the real me. I used to be rich, but that was before I got adopted by my aunt because apparently I was being 'abused' by my parents. Sure they hit me, cursed at me, and told me to go die in a hole, but then they would always take me out to get something pretty, something pink, but not as pink as the scars on my arms, legs, and wrists that they didn't know about. To this day my aunt doesn't know that some of the scars, (both mental and physical) were from me, myself, and I.
She doesn't know about the small box I keep by my bed that houses my bloody knives. She doesn't know why I only wear long pants and long-sleeves, and I don't wear dresses unless they cover now. I used to be the exact opposite. Wearing slutty clothes that show half my boobs, shorts that barely passed as shorts that hugged my butt in a sickening way. The boys loved it, the principal however, did not, but he couldn't stop me from doing what I wanted to do. Then one day, someone made fun of me for something I wore or something, and I think that's what pushed me over the edge, and made me make the first cut, barely visible now, but I know it's there. Now nobody, except my minions that I still have captivated, wanted to hang around me anymore. Excuse me for a minute, my phone's ringing. "Yello, this is Makayla Jacinto, may I ask who it is that I am speaking to?" "Michael, your boyfriend" "Who's phone are you using?" "Luke Hemmings I think you know him from school." "What happened to your phone?" "Threw it against a wall because it wouldn't load YouTube.", he said while chuckling. "Oh, well that wasn’t smart was it?", I asked him. "No, but can we talk about what I called about?", he sounded scared, and that was unnatural for him. "What's wrong baby?", I asked in the calmest voice I could find. He started crying, and whimpering, but finally said, "You know Ashton, the kid who I used to bully? Well he-he-he attempted suicide, and when I went to go see him, because I felt terrible, he-he told me that I was the reason he tried. And seeing him hooked up to all those machines.....", he didn’t finish his sentence. "Michael, calm down, where are you?" "I cant say.", was all he said, and I knew what that meant. "Michael, uhhh, just don’t move till I get there!", I said while grabbing my shoes, and putting them on. "Keep talking Michael, just talk about everything, and don’t go any closer to the side of the ledge!", I yelled into the phone. "Makayla, I-I don’t think I can do that.", he said right before I heard something that sounded like a splash, and then the call ended. "MICHAEL!", I yelled before I ran as fast as I possibly could down the stairs, and got in my car. When I got to the place Michael was…or had been I looked down the cliff that over hanged off the edge to the small place that Michael called ‘his thinking place’. I had expected to see something, anything that told me he was still alive, but all I could see were blinking red lights that signaled that the paramedics were already there. The last thing I thought before I felt my depression overtake me, was ’I cant go on like this’ before everything went black.
I woke up in a strange place, possibly the hospital. Why I was there, I don’t have any clue. I tried to sit up, but my head felt like it was on fire. I screamed in pain, and reached up to put a hand on my head. I noticed a nurse standing on one side of the room, and she looked over at me and said, “Hey sweetie, do you remember anything from before you passed out?” I thought for a minute, but finally said in a loud whisper, “Uhhh yeah, m-my boyfriend h-he jumped off the cliff, a-and I think he’s here but I can’t see him because I’m here a-and…..”, I reduced down to a tears and all I could do was cry. “By any chance is your boyfriend Michael Clifford, bright color hair, beautiful eyes?”, she said in a cheery voice. My eyes lit up before I said, “Yeah he is. Do you know if he’s OK? Please tell me he’s going to be OK.” “He might be OK, he has a concussion, and some broken bones, and he cant move his leg, at all. We think one of his ribs might have punctured his lung, but we haven’t done all the scans yet.” My hope had rose but I still wanted more. “Can I see him?”, I asked. “Um, possibly, I’ll check, need anything else?”, “Erm yeah, how long have I been asleep?”, “3 days, and 4 hours.” "No! I-I-No! I cant be here! I have my cousins birthday party to go to! He's turning 12 today! I-I have to leave!" "Sweetie, you cant leave right now. You need to get rest." "I just slept for 3 fucking days and you expect me to sleep? My boyfriend just tried to kill himself, and you want me to sleep? Hell no." "OK what do you want to do?" "Where is my phone?" "Right here.", she said before handing me my phone. I automaticly went to my music and put on some Nirvana
Load up on guns, bring your friends
It's fun to lose and to pretend
She's over bored and self assured
Oh no, I know a dirty word
Hello, hello, hello, how low? [x3]
Hello, hello, hello!
With the lights out, it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
A mulatto
An albino
A mosquito
My libido
Yay! [x3]
I'm worse at what I do best
And for this gift I feel blessed
Our little group has always been
And always will until the end
Hello, hello, hello, how low? [x3]
Hello, hello, hello!
With the lights out, it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
A mulatto
An albino
A mosquito
My libido
Yay! [x3]
And I forget just why I taste
Oh yeah, I guess it makes me smile
I found it hard, it's hard to find
Oh well, whatever, never mind
Hello, hello, hello, how low? [x3]
Hello, hello, hello!
With the lights out, it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
A mulatto
An albino
A mosquito
My libido
A denial !! [x9]
As the song ends I slowly started to fall asleep, before I heard a deep, Australian, familiar voice. Michael's voice. "M-Michael?" "Yeah babe.", he said. "I've missed you.", I said while he leaned down to hug me. "Why didnt they tell me that you were ok?", I asked. "I told them that I wanted to suprize you.", he said finaly connecting our arm in a hug. He winced and that's when I remembered what condition was. He looked horrible, but I didnt say anything. All of a sudden he started to cry. "Baby what's wrong?", I asked. "A-Ash died last night. Luke told me.", Wait Ashton, as in the sweet little boy who used to tease me, and Michael made fun of, died last night? No this is all a dream, and I'm going to wake up and Michael and I are going to be sitting on out bed at home watching a scary movie with me sitting in his lap, snuggling into his shirt when I got scared. I screwed my eyes closed and kept telling me to wake up, tears dripping down my face.
