A/N- Back to Makayla's P.O.V.
Michael just proposed to me, and I said, yes. What's mom going to say? My emotions are going haywire at the moment. Confusion, happiness, fear, nervousness, are just to name a few. "Makayla, are you ok?", Michael asked as we were walking around the park, acknowledging the fact that he knew that I was emotionally overwhelmed. "Y-Yeah, just... surprised.", I said, trying to find a word to express how I felt and not make it seem bad. "Oh God, is it because I proposed? Did it upset you? But you said yes, why did you say yes if it upset you?", he asked, jumping to way to many conclusions in those few statements. "It didn't upset me, I'm actually proud that you asked me, just, what will mom think? What happens if you decide that you don't want to marry me anymore, and then you break up with me and leave me broken? I just don't want to be hurt again.", I said, not meaning to say the last word. He knew nothing about my past relationships, about my abusive boyfriends, he knew minimal amounts information about my abusive parents, and he knew very little about my self-harm, and past with eating disorders. I had to tell him now, I was going to tell him at some point, and this way, it doesn't build pressure between us. He was waiting patiently for the answer to a question that had not been spoken.
"Ok, Michael, I haven't been being completely honest with you about my past. I have had a total of 16 hospitalizations, and abuse was the cause of each and every one of them, whether it be self-abuse, drug-abuse, or abuse from a 'loved one'. 4 of those 16, were because of me. Eating disorders were a big part of my life before I started dating you. Self-harm was another big deal, my dad walked in on me saying sorry to empty air, before attempting to cut to deep. He called 911, making it possible for me to live. He then made the conclusion that I wanted to die, when in actuality, I cut to feel alive, not to kill myself, and that one time, was because I felt that I could have a better chance if I could start over, but it's impossible to restart, so I attempted to commit. Then 6 out of the last 12, were because of abusive boyfriends, people that I thought were really good people. They beat me, one of them even shot my leg.", I said while rolling my pant leg up, before continuing, "Then the last 6 were split evenly between my mom and dad. I don't feel like getting into detail on those 6 though.", I said, feeling tears well up into my eyes.
His hand found my cheek, and his thumb started rubbing circles on it. "Makayla, why didn't you tell me any of this until I asked you to marry me? I mean, it doesn't change my opinion on you, but I want to know everything, no matter how big small, past, present, I don't care, tell me everything, it's called trust.", he said, making the tears in my eyes spill out in a fluid stream. "Babe, I didn't mean it in a mean way, I just meant like, this was big, but you never told me, that makes me upset, you could have killed yourself because of some of this stuff, or while doing some of it, but yet, you didn't find it important enough to tell me. That makes no sense. I'm sorry I sound like a total ass.", the tears continued to spill, but I hugged him, making his shirt soak through with my salty tears. He started to rub my back in a comforting manner. "I'm sorry I upset you. It's just, I didn't expect you to say all that. Why couldn't you have been open with me? i could have taken it. i survived jumping off a cliff, but you've been through so much more. You tried multiple times.", "Don't remind me. Please, just don't.", I said, not wanting him to feel sorry for me, and not wanting the horrifying memory of holding the already blood-soaked knife to my arm, and piercing the pale skin, causing the crimson liquid flow like the tears that streamed down my face. At that moment, when everything just came back into my mind, I just collapsed. Not being able to hold up any more. Michael automatically went to his knees beside me. "Babe, you ok, answer me.", he said, worry lining his voice, and I could tell it was real. I just shook my head no, because I knew that I couldn't even lie myself out of this one.
I heard his phone beeping, signaling that he was calling someone. I then heard a familiar voice, Luke, on the other side of the line. His voice was also lined with worry. "I'll be right over, which park are you at", I think I heard Luke ask, but at this point, I was in a state of mind that let me hear, see, and think almost nothing outside of my horrible mind, keeping me in this black pit of despair. I saw a light, or was it 4 lights? I don't know, all I know is that after the light went off, I felt 2 hands reach under my limp, unresponsive, though conscious, body.
