North of Apollo

Chapter 9: Invincible

The concept of taking in an orphan seemed simple enough when she was sitting in front of my mate and I telling us how much she wanted to be a part of our family.

However afterward.. when she was running around the kitchen with the peanut butter jar in one hand and a box of cookies in the other screaming bloody murder.. the simplicity was drastically altered.

Roman was chasing Lee around the kitchen trying to steal the cookies back as I made dinner. Lee's shrieks and giggles could be heard all over the house and it was quickly becoming my favorite sound.  Lee and Roman ended the cookie battle and made their way back to the kitchen as the timer went off on the oven. As we ate I couldn't help but think about everything that's happened lately.

Ever since the war, I've had this feeling in my stomach, like..like nerves.. but also not. I went to the pack doctors but they found nothing claiming it was just anxiety. But it wasn't. It was like something just wasn't right even after looking through all the records from the war, all the accounts.

 Even after we buried everyone Lee's parents included, something was just different and I wasn't sure what, to be honest. After Silas was killed the south scattered, they ran taking those that could move and left the injured to fend for themselves.

Those that wanted to stay were welcome but most chose mercy killing as their injuries were too severe, and a life that was hindered was not a life they wished to live. Even after cleaning up what was left of the war and tying up all the loose ends the sinking feeling in my stomach would not go away.

As I sat at the table listening to Lee tell Roman all about her day at school and the new friends she made, I thought more about the toll the war had on her. Her teachers said she was doing fine and adjusting, I even had the doctors do a psychological evaluation just to check. By all medical accounts, she was fine.

But That didn't stop the fear and self-doubt from creeping in on occasion.

Roman was on edge, I could feel it but it wasn't for the same reasons I was, I hadn't been sleeping well these past few weeks and I knew that alone didn't sit well with him, but I think the fact that I was waking up screaming in terror every night was the main cause of him being upset too. He suggested I take myself to the doctor to make sure I was okay with everything that happened. I agreed and promised to go when I had time. That was a week ago.

 Roman announced this morning that I was going whether I wanted to or not and despite my blatant protests, he was walking me to the hospital after breakfast. As we cleaned up from breakfast and made sure Lee was on her way to class, I thought more about the war.

The whole idea of this war was fighting to keep the North's land and later on, for me to stay in the North permanently. I couldn't help but wonder if it was worth it though. Did we accomplish what we set out to? Sure Silas was dead, and sure we killed some wolves from the south but did that solve anything ? what if we really were no better then the south? I mean they killed people because they wanted what they had, they killed for it. We didn't want anything, but we took something. Peoples lives. Innocent lives. People who were only on that battlefield because, like me, they swore to protect and serve their people. What if.. what if we're no better then the bad guys? What if.. we are the bad guys? What then? Are we suddenly horrible people? Does this mean that we're basically the south now? were we monsters? Was I?

" your in your head an awful lot today babe you okay?"

I turned to Roman and nodded. " yah.. yah no I'm.. good. Let's do this shall we?"

I tugged on the hospital doors and made my way to the top floors, Roman a half step behind me. As we made it the psych floor I felt the pit in my stomach grow. Even as I walked to the check-in desk, it felt like the weight was increasing with every step that I took. We sat down in some waiting chairs and flipped through the trashy magazines beside us.