That's it. It's all over.

Trust.

~Trigger warning~ *drugs, depression, self-harm*

When do you know if you trust someone? What even is trust? Is it this binary, untouchable force between yourself and someone else? Can it be between you and yourself? Do I trust myself? Answer: No, well I don't think so. Somedays I lose control in what I'm doing, or feeling. All I want is to numb myself so I don't have to feel, or think, or even be. So I end up having a couple shots, or taking pills, or smoking something until I'm not even there. So no, I don't trust myself. Do other people trust me? Probably not. Truth is I'm not a great friend, or girlfriend, which is hard for me to hear even though I'm the one saying it. I swear I try to be a good person, but sometimes I just lose my humanity. I'm either too drunk, or too depressed, or too high, or somewhere in between, to be there for other people. And maybe that makes me a shitty person (it totally does), but I don't know how to fix myself. And people (counselors, therapists, etc.) will tell me, "oh no one needs to be fixed they just need help". But no, I really do need fixing. I lie, way too much, I drink, way too much, I smoke, way too much, I cut, way too much, etc.

Question of the day: Do we, as people, need fixing?

~*Disclaimer*~

This isn't a self pity thing it's just my thoughts and how my brain works