'TIL THE END
by. @mariescribble
"Be with me 'til the end." I heard her whisper before she kissed my forehead that put me in a great slumber. I felt no pain, but love. I wish I can stay longer like she always wish. I wish I can choose when to die, 'cause in this lifetime of mine, I know I can't stay and take care of this woman when I die, but I'm tring my very best to do so, 'cause she needs me.
"Babe, naman! You put it down, okay? Let manong take that upstairs!" Hazel harshly grabbed the box I'm about to lift. Natawa naman agad ako sa reaks'yon niya. "Did you take your meds already? Kailan daw balik mo sa ospital? Alam ba ni tita naㅡ" I shut her up by hugging her tightly.
It made her silent, it made her hug me back. This is so good, me with her in our new house.
"Babe, where's the cute note? We must update it. Omygosh, another list na naman mawawala." She excitedly grab the cute note in her bag. She then checked the line that says, "live together". She looked at me and smiled. "Our dreams are coming true."
_
"Babe, hold on, okay?" She told the taxi driver to drive faster. I never heard more 'cause my vision is getting blurry and I'm running out of breathe. The only sound in the taxi was Hazel's sobs, it's making my condition worse.
"H-hey, I'm gonna be fine!" I gave her a smile to atleast assure her that I really am. She held my hand so tight and whisper the words I love to hear from her.
"Be with me 'til the end..."
_
"Hazel, sweetie. You should go home and rest, Tyrone will wake up soon and I promise you to send a beep." I heard my mom.
I can hear them, I can hear them all. But my eyes seem restless that I can't open them.
"No, tita. I'm fine po, I wanna be there when he wakes up..." Mahinang sagot ni Hazel kay Mama.
_
"Babe, look. May promo sila, oh. Trip to Korea 3 days, do you want to travel? Ah, no. Are you allowed to travel?"
It's been 5 months when I was admitted for chest pains. I'm still on my chemotherapy, at talagang madalas ako sa hospital para dito. Hazel was acting cool with me, but when she thought I was in deep sleep, she always cry. And I think I'm giving her a hard time.
I saw her eyes twinkled just looking at the nice view from Korea that her phone is showing.
"Do you want to go there?" I asked her.
My question gave her excitement, but she hid it so well. She probably think I'm not allowed to. "Hmm, we'll ask tita if pwede ba. Korea's not a nice place naman, mas maganda pa rin naman dito. I'm not into travellingㅡ"
I hugged her so tight, like afraid to lose her. Afraid that I might lost the chance to do this. "be with me 'til the end."
_
"Babe, i-double mo kaya 'yang jacket mo? It's colder than we thought kasi. Sige na, just be sure." She opened my suitcase and pick a thicker jacket.
Hindi na ako pumalag pa nang iabot niya sa akin 'to. I don't want her to be paranoid, I don't want her to worry, so I am doing the things she's been asking me to.
Bago pa kami makalabas sa aming hotel room, I grabbed her from her waist then hugged her tight. "Do me a favor, please." I whispered, enough for her to hear me.
"Hmm?"
"In this trip, I want you to erase the fact that I'm sick. I want you to think that I'm cancer free already. I want you to think that we're in this trip to celebrate."
Hindi ko maatim na may mga bagay na gusto niyang gawin, pero hindi niya magawa dahil iniisip niya ako, na baka makasama sa akin. Hindi ko maatim na makita siyang oras-oras ako at ang sakit ko iniisip niya. I don't want her to be drown with so much worry. I don't want her to be hurt. I don't want her to think the possible outcomes of the things that's making her happy. I just plainly want her to be carefree.
"Be with me 'til the end." She whispered back, and I marked it as her yes.
_
"Mom, kinakabahan ako. Pa'no kung ayaw niya pa? What if it's too early?" My mom fixed my tie then I received a smile from her.
"There's no such early and late in love, son." She kissed me in my cheeks and pushed me to open the door where Hazel was probably waiting.
"Hazel, will you spend the rest of your life to be my wife?" I asked. Natigil siya sa pagkain at gulat na napatingin sa akin.
"Grabi naman 'yan, babe! Wala sa timing, kumakain pa ako, e. Pero oo!" She then screamed that made me laugh. It was a joyful night with my fiance.
_
It's been 6 months since I made Hazel my fiance. And it's been 6 months since she began to be busy. She's busy preparing for the wedding that will happen 2 weeks from now, and she prohibited me from wedding preparations and told me to focus on my medications. Sinunod ko naman siya, ayaw kong mangamba siya dahil sa sakit kong 'to. Tanginang cancer naman 'yan, inaagaw ako sa kasiyahan ko.
Hindi ko nakayanan ang pagka-miss sa kanya. I dialled her number, 2 rings before she picked the call. I can hear the noisy background. "Yes, babe?"
Just hearing her girly voice made my day. She's the reason why I'm fighting, she's the reason why I badly want to keep myself alive, to recover. "Be with me 'til the end." I said.
_
"Where are we going to travel after the wedding?" She asked me. Nasa kwarto kami't nakatitig sa ceiling, tahimik na magkayakap. Parehong kinakabahan sa kasal bukas sa makalawa.
"Honeymoon, babe. Paris, it is, right?" I hugged her tight. She looked up, our eyes met, I saw her eyes that shouting with so much worry. Here she goes, again.
"Can we cancel the travel muna, babe? As much as I want to go there, hindi ko naman kayang makita kang nahihirapan. Look, you were breathless the other day and your doctor said to stop for awhile your physical activities." She said with so much worry. I heaved a sigh.
"Babe, no. I promise you that I'm feeling just fine." I assured her. "Be with me 'til the end." I wiped her tears and smiled. This woman is just too precious to even feel pain. I don't deserve her.
_
"Time of death, 11:25 am." The doctor announced and everyone lost their sanity. The wedding has cancelled.
_
"Mom, I want to stop being cured. I want to stop the medications. Stop the theraphy."
I never cared about their feelings, the ones who love me. I only care about this endless pain that Hazel's death brought to me.
"Son, no. I know you're in pain, right now. But have you forgotten that Hazel wants you to be a survivor?" She cried. She reached for my hands. I looked away and wiped the tears.
"Mom, I'm tired. I really am. Hazel is surely don't wanna see me like this. 'Yung sakit na dinulot ng pagkawala niya hanggang sa sakit ng katawan ko, they're slowly killing me, mom!" I threw all the things that reaches my hands. I shouted like an insane person. My mother was there to stop me by hugging me.
"Mom, I don't want to suffer anymore. Bring me to Paris, she wanted us to spend a night there together, it was our plan after the wedding. Mom, let me spend my remaining days there. Let me die with her memories..."
_
I can hear the doctor and the nurses getting panic. I can clearly hear my mom's cry. My body is already numb. I can't see anything.
"Ma'am, please don't be so stubborn. Wait outside, okay?"
Hazel, I made it to your favorite place. Now is the right time to be with you. Until the end.
