Hoping You’re by my side this Christmas.
Dear Honey,
I am feeling way too lonely today. I am afraid what will happen to us after the years will gone by, years that is not really fruitful, years that you’re not beside me watching fireworks this coming new year. I really like to show how I run when firecrackers bang around me. I am sorry to tell you that my stories about my courage in holding a firecracker or lighting a big boom is not really true. I am not that strong or brave. There is only one thing that I am really afraid of- a phobia I really don’t want to tell to anybody, not arachnophobia or claustrophobia, but “losingyouphobia”.
Really, this distance makes me sad, and this sadness and loneliness is way too harsh in my situation. I don’t have any close friends around or gang to pass the time and to cover up this feelings of missing you in my life. This distance makes me worry about nothing else but us. I thought I have understood distance back then when I was in college maybe studying Physics. Distance is equal to speed multiplied to time elapsed, it can be measured and the metric system is usually used as the scale, nah, unit. However, our distance is really different, we are miles apart yet my feelings for you is so close I could die. Maybe I really don’t know how to use the other side of the equation, time. Nothing to say, I’ve always wanted you to go away from me when I don’t really need you in my room. But deep inside I really need you, I need to spend all my remaining time with you. I want you more than anything or anyone else in this world. I don’t understand why God made those moments that we’re together, just us, you and me, but today became just sweet mem’ries that keeps on haunting me every night. I need you to be safe and happy. I don’t want to live in this ever- worrying life when I know that safety and happiness in your life is being with me. Without me, I know your just not contented. But believe me, without you, I don’t have the reason to see tomorrow.
This coming Christmas, it is my first time in forever to feel the coldness of the wind. Your whiff always reminds me of what we do during the holidays. Going around thinking nothing, seeing places but not looking into details because every time I look at those sceneries, my eyes really don’t focus on the background for it is focusing on the main character of the scene. I wish we could do this again for just a while however there are many things we need to prioritize. But we only live once, we can never say if tomorrow is for us or maybe the word “forever” is not true. I just had realized that back then I must have stopped you, I must have done anything, everything just to stop you from making this great distance between us. I am really a coward. I don’t fight for you. I don’t know when to say “yeah, I don’t care, this is against all odds”. I am sorry for making you decide to do this, I am not worthy of your time and sacrifice. How can you love a proud, close- minded, freak monster like me. I don’t have those gentleman qualities, but maybe I have only one edge and that is I’m the only one who can do hilarious things by your side and still feel comfortable. Like making faces, modeling, twerking in my bed, changing my voice from a little girl to old man and of course- farting (censored please).I don’t know but I miss your reaction every time I do these stuffs and that makes me sad.
I don’t listen anymore to country songs or those old rap songs in my playlist. It makes me feel a little lifeless. Actually, even if I listen to those rock screaming songs that makes you freak out and makes me look like possessed, there is no more like that these days.
I only wish you a Merry Christmas and a happy new year this coming days. Always remember that when you wish on a wishing star at the same hemisphere with mine, I already had wished a thousand biddings. And there is only one wish that I might need this Christmas and that is to be with you.
“All I want to have this Christmas is a sky below thousands of twinkling stars, freezing wind shuddering my skin, and an “I-don't-know-why” beating of my heart because you are right here by my side”
When I need you back then, I just come by and have you by my side. My life was really revolving around you but today my world revolves around the sun of missing you. I keep on hoping that you will still love me after this obstacle in our life. Because nothing to say and ask, I will always love the way you love me and I will be here waiting for you in front of many people saying those things you always wished for, the “I do” in the start of our journey.
Will you start another journey with me after this? Please say yes!
Me
