Fuck Off (Commentary Crew Oneshots)

Three Time I've Sobbed From Joy

George x Alex kinda (more friendship than anything) AU where they're teenagers, George is depressed, and Will is his brother

The air I breathed hurt my lungs as I stepped into the parking garage. I hadn't been outside in a long while, and the smell of gasoline blowing down the highway was now foreign to me, despite once being so familiar. Thirsting to feel the ground on my bare feet, I slipped off my tennis shoes and let my feet hit the cement. It was dirty and rough, but it felt more comforting than a warm blanket.

I felt thankful, for the first time in a long while. I felt thankful that I could still walk and that my brain worked. The doctors didn't know if I was going to make it for a time. Part of me still wishes I didn't, but I'm glad to be without the consequences they expected. An underweight fifteen-year-old boy and two bottles of pills don't mix well; I'd discovered.

"George, put your shoes on right now! Christ, you're going to step on a needle!" My mom scolded, but I didn't listen. My eyes were glued to the night sky and skyscrapers I'd seen from the window of the psych ward on the top floor. I remember staring out the window at them while the doctor told me I had to try harder if I ever wanted to get out of there. I remember gazing into my own gray eyes reflected in the window and thinking for the first time that maybe he was right. Maybe I didn't want to be alive, but I was, and home was better than there.

At long last, we reached the car. I gripped the cold handle of the backseat door, shivers flooding my body as I waited for my parents to unlock it. I slid in as soon as the car was unlocked to see my brother, Will, in the seat opposite mine. The thing that struck me was how sad he looked. In all the years I'd know my older brother, he'd never been anything but happy or angry. Now, heartbreak wrapped itself into his strong, sharp features as he pulled me into a hug. "I love you so much Gee," he told me, prominent chin digging into the top of my head. "Please, never again."

I gripped him back even tighter as tears started to fall down my face. I'd been crying a lot lately, but now it was for a very different cause. "I love you too, Will," I told him. I choked out a sob as it finally hit me: for better or for worse, I was going home.

The bell rang for lunch and I let out a sigh of relief. Coming back to school after missing an entire week isn't easy, especially when your reason for absence was mine. My body was still weak, my heartbeat too fast, and my thoughts weighed down my head of curly blonde hair as I began to walk to lunch. I was ready to see my friends again; I'd missed them so much it hurt every inch of my being. They did a lot of good for me.

The first person I saw was Alex. He was my best friend out of all of them, and I watched as his face lit up the second he saw me. A big smile stretched across his rosy cheeks, his pointy teeth on full display as his too-long fringe dusted back and forth across his forehead. He sprinted clumsily towards me, throwing his arms around my neck as soon as he reached me. I stumbled and almost fell, but clutched him back anyways. "Were you in the hospital?" He asked. I hadn't told anyone, but Alex had a way of figuring out. He knew me, and he knew the signs.

"Yeah," I breathed.

"Never again, yeah?" he questioned. I hadn't even realized I was crying until my voice broke when I replied with the same thing as before, and for the first time it didn't feel like a lie.

"Yeah."

It was Christmas Eve, almost a year since everything had happened. I had a week left, a week until I'd been one year without harm of any kind. My parents were setting up decorations while Alex and I sat on the pristine leather sofa. Old Christmas music was playing from the speaker in the kitchen, the scent of my mom's cranberry candle bouncing off the walls. Alex was leaning into my side, drinking a tiny glass of eggnog in small sips. I felt for him; he didn't have much of a family of his own to go to.