Love Patient

II. Me, and only me

Narration

"Thank you so much Doctor Kim! Your advice has definitely helped me get better! My husband understands how I feel now, and he tries to help me with housework whenever he can. It's all thanks to you!" Jisoo's first patient of the week was a middle-aged woman who was sent by the Civil Affairs Office. She and her husband were on the verge of divorce because of miscommunication.

At first, Jisoo could not understand why her help was needed, but it turns out that the wife was suffering from acute paranoia and severe anxiety. Her husband was a very successful man and she thought that his business trips were only excuses for him to meet his mistress. After a few individual and joint sessions, the couple was now back on their feet and Jisoo couldn't ask for more.

If she couldn't have a happy relationship, at least someone else had one. Jisoo knew very well that she shouldn't be jealous of what others have, nonetheless, she stills envies couples she sees grinning while strolling hand-in-hand with their lovers by their side.

It's not like she didn't bother making any effort during her past relationships. She did her best, but maybe her best wasn't enough.

She had always put her career before anything else, and that was something her family and friends understood. Jisoo has always been work-oriented. While it is true that she is a social butterfly who found it easy to make friends, she is also very picky when choosing who stays by her side. It was her way of protecting her heart.

As unexpected as it may seem, she easily falls in love. Way too easily. Her mind automatically decides that whoever is close to her entourage is worthy of her love, which is why most of her exes are friends of friends and are still in contact with her.

"It's nothing Mrs. Nakamoto. It's my job to help you." She shook her hand and affectionately smiled to the elderly in front of her.

"Dr. Kim, are you perhaps single? I have a son who's around your age, he broke up with his girlfriend a year ago and he's still not over her. Maybe you could help him get out of his misery." Her patient wickedly smiled and wiggled her eyebrows.

Jisoo felt uncomfortable, partly because she just recently broke up with her boyfriend and also because she had made her mind that she wouldn't be in a relationship for a while. "I'm really sorry, Mrs. Nakamoto, but I am not allowed to be in contact with my patients' private lives. I'm sure your son is very charming and would meet the one for him soon."

"That's a shame, you would make the best daughter-in-law in the world. I can just hope that one day you leave your job so that you can marry my son." The lady laughed. Jisoo knew it was a joke, but it still irritated her. So many people had told her to leave her job and prepare to be a housewife. She hated it. She hated that people only thought of her as a woman who was supposed to give birth to children, to take her of her husband while he had a successful career. Don't get her wrong, she loved children and would love to have some of her own. But not now. This isn't the time and she could feel it. She was in the peak of her youth and her career. Why would she waste it by settling down?

'If only you knew Mrs. Nakamoto...', she thought. "That's very kind of you ma'am but I don't think I'm that great of a person. Please send my regards to Mr. Nakamoto. I wish you both the best." She stood up and ushered the patient out of the counselling room.

After closing the door, she sat back in front of her desk and released a deep sigh. "When will anybody understand that I can find my happiness with just me, and only me?"

Her telephone beeped signaling a message from her secretary. 'Your next patient has arrived.' Jisoo clicked on the call button to reply, "Send them in."

She quickly opened her drawer to retrieve the patient's file. "Na Jaemin... alright, got it."

Jaemin entered the room, wearing all black. His hood over his head, while wearing air pods. He immediately sat down and put his air pods away.

"So, Jaemin. How are you feeling today?" She asked, trying to make her patient open up.

"I couldn't sleep. I ran out of pills." He replied, Jaemin is suffering from severe insomnia. He became extremely dependent on his pills due to the high dose given by his previous therapist. His mom sought some help and found Jisoo. Jisoo's goals is to slowly get him used to using music as therapy. However, Jaemin was clearly having withdrawal symptoms. He feels lethargic all the time and isolates himself from the others. If it continues this way, he may fall into depression and Jisoo couldn't have that.

"Jaemin, did you listen to the playlist I made for you?" She calmly asked. She had a feeling that he didn't, but if he did, and it had no effect then Jisoo must find an alternative treatment.

Jaemin gently shook his head, making Jisoo sigh. "Jaemin, if you don't help yourself, everything I do for you will all be in vain. I know it's difficult and frustrating. But you have to make the first step, and another one until you get there. You don't have to get better immediately. It's impossible. You might go slowly but you'll surely get there.

Focus on yourself and yourself only. Don't listen to what others may say. They don't know your story and they don't know how strong you are. You live for yourself and not for others."

Jaemin burst in tears. "Doctor Kim, I don't know what to do. I wanna sleep but I can't. Their words, it keeps echoing in my head. They keep telling me I'm not normal. They keep telling I'm disabled. Their laughs and snickers echo in my head like waves in the ocean. It won't stop and just keeps on going on and on. I don't want to hear it but it's always there." Jaemin confessed, his voice shaky and laced with pain and suffering.

Her heart swelled due to the emotions he just spilt. He was being tormented. "Jaemin, none of those are true. They're right, you're not an ordinary teenager, you're extraordinary. You have a talent that others don't, and they envy you. Deep down, they know they'll never have the gift you have and because of that they hurt you. Give the playlist a try. I carefully chose the songs in there and I really hope they can help you." Jisoo grabbed his trembling hands in hers and caressed it gently, until he stopped crying.

"Thank you so much, Doctor Kim." Jaemin said after catching his breath. "No, I'm the one who should say that. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Jaemin." Jisoo smiled softly at the gentle child in front of her.

For the very first time, she saw a genuine smile on his face. She was proud of him and herself.

I can achieve my happiness and help others find their own, thanks to me and me only.

a/n: jaemin is autistic in this story and i read somewhere that some autistic kids had a special gift in understanding maths or sciences in general 

also i want to clarify that although i love independent women like jisoo in this story, it doesnt mean you can't find happiness with the help of others 

most importantly, with everything going on these days, please take care of yourselves and your families. wash your hands regularly and avoid crowded places. also, if you don't feel well, call the hospital and do not go out, your appointments with your friends can wait :))
stay strong everyone!

i love you all ♡