Life With Her

Chapter Eight

Constance Knox

My eyes widen as I gape at Lyndsey and Brie. Lyndsey just sacrificed herself for me. Do I really mean that much to her? I step in front of her, putting myself between Lyndsey and Gabriella. Because of Lyndsey's recent actions, I have the upmost respect for her, and I trust her with my life. I look into Lyndsey's eyes, trying to see something that wasn't there. I see fierce determination sparkling in her light brown-red eyes. Her eyes are the most beautiful thing I've seen in a long, long, time. Her eyes are red around her iris, then fades into a deep brown, with hints of red toward the outer part of her eye, and occasional hints of red in the layers of brown. Her eyes are filled with determination, and soften slightly when she looks at me. After she looks away from me, the look is back. Her eyes hold a hint of affection for me, but unless you look closely, you can't see it. Her facial expression remains neutral, despite all of the determination and anger in her eyes. I can tell that she's angry because of how calm she looks. The calmer she looks, the worse she's angry, unless it's around me and we're in the park or sitting by the café. She has her sleeves rolled up just a few inches, and I see so many red lines on her wrists and forearms. I gasp softly, and want to reach for her hand, but I don't touch her. Some of the cuts look new, but some are faded with time. Based on the depth of the scar, I can tell how many times she's done this in the same spot. I know this because I have scars all over my thighs, back, and stomach, but I keep them hidden when I'm wearing my crop-tops or short skirts to parties. I haven't gone to one in a while, now that I think about that, but that's because of my time I'm spending with Lyndsey. I have feelings for her that I'll never express to her because I'm terrified to. I wish I had more time to tell her, but who knows what'll happen here. Bad thoughts bubble in my head, and I tremble, my knees about to give out beneath me. I start to shake and some tears trek down my cheeks. I start trying to think of happy things to dispel the bad thoughts, but I can't. Instead, they just come on full force. More tears slip from my eyes, and soon a whimper comes from me, but it feels like I'm not even there. I'm back to the nights when I used to cut, the different guys, different objects, different parties, different drinks... One night, I completely lost it. I was crying my eyes out, listening to a depressing playlist I'd been making. I had a few select objects set out. I had a pair of sharp scissors, pencil sharpener blades, razors, and a couple of steak knives. Yes, yes, I had a wonderful time that night. All the blood spilling onto the blankets, ruining one of my most prized crème-colored dresses. It was so pretty, but I got blood on the edges of it from my thighs. It went just above my knees, except when I was sitting and it pooled around the higher part of my thighs. I smell the blood, feel that sharp sting as the blade slices your skin... I shiver with pleasure just remembering it. I loved that dress, but I cut myself so deep that night, there was no taking it back or ignoring it. I run my hand over my thigh, and I feel the dips in my skin from that night. I think about the guy I was with that night. I don't remember, just vague facial features and muscles. I don't remember his name or face, but I can remember his voice, just vaguely, and he hardly said anything.

"The money's on the dresser." he had told me. I nodded, and I kept carving into myself. I was crying and hardly able to breathe because of all the people I've been with. He didn't know because I haven't said anything to anyone about that. I still haven't to this day. I want to tell Lyndsey, but I think she'll leave me if I do. Then I would really have nothing. That would be the hardest thing for me to deal with, and I might just kill myself if I lose her... Should--

A loud click goes through the room, disrupting me, mid-thought.

"Which one first?" A male asks. He keeps himself in the shadows, so I can't see his face. I haven't heard his name yet, so I don't know who he is.

"You... can't hurt her..." Lyndsey spits, coughing out blood. I give her a concerned look, and she shoves me behind her.

"Lyndsey, don't do this... I'm not worth it.." I whisper, trying to her to listen to me.

"Constance, shut up!" she yells at me, the harshest words I've heard from her so far. When she said this, she turned half of her face to me, and I could see a small amount of remorse in her eyes, but it was gone in a flash. As she turns back towards Gabriella, I see a glint of silver out of my peripheral vision. I step calmly in front of Lyndsey as a bang goes off. I feel something warm coming from my lower gut. Lyndsey screams and I smile softly at her. She tears up and hugs me to her gently. I tear up a little and smile at her.

"It was my turn to save you," Lyndsey whispers to me, starting to cry, too.

"But I wanted to save you.." I whisper to her, laying my hand over my lower stomach. Tears roll down her face, and she sits me gently against a wall. In my peripherals, I see Gabriella and the man smiling at each other.

"Lyndsey, go kick their asses, you can do it, I know you can," I whisper to her.

"But I can't leave you!" she says, sobbing.

"Go... I'll be okay.." I say gently, and try to push her away from me. She stands up, gives me a longing look, and screams. She runs to the man, and takes the gun from him, knocking it onto the floor. It slides close to Gabriella. I can see some indecision in her eyes as she picks it up. She points it at Lyndsey, or tries to. Lyndsey and the man are doing some sort of tango. She goes to hit him, he ducks, and tries to hit her.  She gets a few blows on him, and he blocks a few of hers as she tries to hit him again. This goes on a few times, and then I see a blade whip out from Lyndsey's pocket, and she holds it to his throat, pinning him not only against the wall, but between her and Gabriella. I see Gabriella scream, point the gun, and fire. I hear a grunt and a thud as a body hits the ground. I look, fearfully, and see Lyndsey still standing. I start to see black around the edges of my vision, and I press my hand into my lower stomach. I hear grunts and a few stray shots, and another thud, although softer this time. I hear footsteps running toward me, and I look up, seeing a blur.

"I love you, Lyndsey," I whisper, before I fade away into black.

A/N: Hey guys, sorry it's been a while, and I hope this chapter was as hard for you to read and as it was for me to write. I really hope you enjoy this chapter! I'll be leaving you in suspense for ever and ever and you will all hate me *que the villainous laughter*

Xoxo,

KitKat