Iris

3. If You Met My Family, You Would Understand

"Tomorrow? Oh that's great. Thank you! Bye." Chloe said as she hung up the phone.

"What's great Detective?" Lucifer asked as he strolled through Chloe's front door. Chloe noticed his slightly disheveled appearance under the staged confidence.

"I," Chloe took a breath and continued, "was able to get a sonogram appointment for tomorrow."

Lucifer came over to the couch where Chloe was sitting and sat with her. He looked like he was trying to process her sentence. "That's for...?"

"First baby check up. Somebody cancelled, so I was able to get squeezed in." Chloe said flatly with a nod. She still felt like this topic was a bomb waiting to go off for him, so she tried to tread carefully, just in case.

"Oh," Lucifer breathed. He tried to make it sound neutral, but Chloe picked up on the slightest bit of disappointment.

They sat in silence for a moment. Chloe tried to get a read on him as she tucked a stubborn lock of hair (that was supposed to be in her ponytail) back behind her ear. She wanted so desperately for him to talk about this with her, but she was also terrified of what he would say. She had already made up her mind about the baby, no matter how scary it all seemed.

"So what did you do today?" Chloe beat around the bush, smiling past the insecurities and tried to find a bit of normalcy.

"I talked to Linda." He said, the exhaustion clear in his voice now.

Chloe's heart skipped a beat. So much for beating around the bush. "Good. Did it help?"

"Yes, I...it helped me realize a lot actually," He didn't make eye contact with her. The coffee table seemed very interesting for some reason.

Chloe forced her smile through her apprehensiveness. She knew he wasn't the world's best patient, but Linda helped him learn a lot since they started working together. Chloe felt like she owed that woman so much.

"Detective," He started and turned to face her fully on the couch, his hands came to his middle, the pads of his fingertips pressing together, like they would help him explain his thoughts, "The last thing I want to do is make a child...our child...feel like they've been abandoned. I want to support you if this is what you truly desire, but-" His voice trailed off as his hands fell in his lap and his face contorted with worry.

Chloe gently placed her hands over his and waited until he looked her in the eyes.

"Lucifer, it's okay. I want you to be able to talk to me about whatever you need to. We're a team right?" Chloe pushed reassuringly. She hoped to God that she sold it because inside, she felt like she might burst into a million pieces. Realistically, it was probably the hormones that were making her so jittery and emotional, so holding herself together where her heart was involved suddenly became a much more difficult task.

Lucifer breathed in and out and Chloe waited patiently for him to speak.

"Detective," He opened his mouth but no words came out.

"I'm not sure that this is what I desire." He seemed to have forced himself to say.

Chloe leaned back, her eyes wide with confusion. "What?" She asked in disbelief.

Chloe couldn't stop the tears now. They filled her eyes and spilled onto her cheeks and made her voice shake as she pulled away from him and said, "What do you mean by that?"

Lucifer hung his head, his eyes flitting all over the room except for her, seemingly searching for the words he wanted.

"Detective, I desire you, I always have. I've never been happier in my entire life than I am with you. You are so special, and everyday I wonder why in the world you would willing choose someone like me. But this? Aren't we struggling enough together as it is without multiplying the situation? Detective, I am having a hard enough time figuring out who I am and who I want to be. How am I, evil incarnate, supposed to raise a child to be good."