Can I Salvage Volume 1: ALRs Poetry

Poem 4

ALR version, word for word prior (possible) salvation
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BLUEBERRY SKIN
Time isn't frozen but I am still standing here like ice.
Your screams are like a five bladed knife.
"Get away from me." I scream in my head.
No glory, no love, lack of compassion, tears shed.
You're the monster from my childhood.
You're the visible broken shield I never understood.
Blueberry skin.
Rivered stream of no faith.
Deviled twin.
Your hate is now my unwanted relastate.
How can you be the owner of your own shadowed hell?
We never can believe.
Slices, rocks, purple and blue, I'll never tell.
Icy touch, firm as hate, my body stays but my soul wants to leave.
Broken promises are your all time hobby.
Casting hour harsh hands over my scared bare body.
"I'll never hurt you." You once cried in ecstasy.
Now it is nothing but me trying to cry for far away mercy.
Melting from fear, I walk away.
Dark curtains, lace curtains sway.
My hot steaming tears are nothing but a laughter string you pull.
I'm half a person, like a stormy night, I'll never be more than your fool.
Broken bones.
No love tones.
Contradicting love.
Lying hug.
Nightmares are now my reality.
Slithering snakes elope my fingers.
Sad orphans cry in the distance.
Aroma of disappointment continues to linger.
A tight rope I placed around my neck, lacking of resistance.
Deciding to end a foggy mind.
Ending my life, crying for the last time.
-ALR (December 2013)
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My possible and hopefully better salvation
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Time isn't frozen, yet nothing seems to move
Your screams rip through me, faster than any blade could do
"Get away from me." I silently plead
No love, no glory, or any tears to shed
You're the monster from under my bed, screaming in my head
Blueberry skin, oh how could I let you win
Your hate an unwanted tomb
I became owner to my own shadowed realm
Glistening with slices of purple and blue, what happened I'll never tell
My body aches as your icy touch rips my soul free
Broken promises, a touch filled with unbridled hate
"I'll never hurt you." Once cried in ecstasy
But with time, no matter how unmoving it may seem, things always change
Melting from fear, crying for mercy, I leave
Half a person I am not, I see now how you played me a fool
Broken bones mended with liars hugs and contradicted love
My nightmares came true when I met you
And as the wolves mournfully howl at the moon
I decide to put an end to my foggy mind
A rope of silk wrapped round my throat, I cry one last time
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Okay, the first that caught my eye was "relastate" and I was so caught off guard by that, I had to re-read the line 5 times. Secondly the line "Slices, rocks, purples and blues, I'll never tell" didn't click, it didn't reference anything, the line felt like it was just thrown in there as filler and would've been better left out. Some lines were good and had wonderful potential, but were set up wrong or worded wrong, hince why I didn't drastically change this poem. From what I have seen so far, it looks as if she's trying to force a poem out of a single good line or idea, therefore it clashes with itself and doesn't make sense in some parts. I personally believe poetry needs to flow naturally from emotion, from things experienced once upon a time, or from memories fond or heartbreaking to relive. Forced poetry is just gritty and rough to read.