Nothing has changed

01

My phone rang many times until I answered it. "Hello?!" pasigaw ko nang sinagot ang tawag dahil sa sobrang ingay sa paligid. Nilayo ko ang cellphone ko para hindi mahulog ng kung sino. My goodness! I almost fell my phone. Now, naiirita na ako.

"Hello! Susmaryosep, April! You're so hard to contact and... you're at the bar again!" I distanced my phone to my ear because of the loud voice of my mom. Sobrang lakas ng bar, yet she still managed to be this loud! Hindi ko na ipagkakaila kay mom, syempre she already know me.

"Mom.. I am just hanging out with my friends.." kalmado ko na sinabi ng makalayo na sa maingay na parte ng bar. I can't help but to roll my eyes. Lagi nalang ganito! I am eighteen but still they are so strict to me.

"April! Alam mo ang purpose kung bakit kita pinag manila, right? You said you wanted to be independent and to study where you can find your future! I think your friends out there are not good for you! Asan na ba si Paige at ba't hindi siya ang kasama mo!" I rolled my eyes once again. Paige is studying right now for the upcoming entrance exam kasi for sure ayaw na naman noon na bumagsak and mag overthink na hindi papasa.

Tumingin ako sa kalsada. I can see a black sedan that's going near. Bigla akong natauhan sa nakita. I panicked. "Shit!" mabilis akong tumakbo sa loob ng bar at nakipagdagsaan sa mga tao na nagsasayawan sa dance floor. I need to find my friends!

"What did you say, April! You are grounded from now on!" I got shocked with what my mom said, pero hindi na ko nag abala pa at hinanap na ang mga kaibigan ko. I need to escape!

Despite of the smoke in the bar, I still saw them. They are all laughing and drinking. I hope hindi pa sila lasing, goodness! I need their help!

"Guys! Listen, I need your help.." pag mamakaawa ko.

"What? I can't hear you, April!" sabi ni Paula. Bumuntong hininga ako at sumigaw muli.

"I said, I need your help! Oliver is here, shit!" Nataranta ako at nilibot ang buong bar at baka nandito na siya sa loob. Napatigil ako sa dance floor at nakita siya roon. Naglibot siya ng tingin at muntikan na akong makita! Thank goodness to the man who passed by me!

Kinuha ko ang maliit kong purse at tinignan ang mga kaibigan. It seems like they don't care about what I said! Ano ba itong mga 'to! Nagpatuloy sila sa kasiyahan at pag inom. Istorbo lang ata ako sakanila. They didn't even care about me. I rolled my eyes. Lumabas na ako sa likod ng bar para umalis. Bakit ko pa kasi pinagsisiksikan ang sarili ko sa mga kaibigan na alam ko naman na hindi totoo. Oo, nabulag ako. I just want some friends! Pero kung ganito lang naman ang mangyayari, huwag na. Kinuha ko ang yosi sa aking purse at sinindihan ito. For this time, I want to be alone. I know I am a stubborn child but It doesn't mean that I should be treated like this. 

Siguro nga nakakasawa na akong kaibigan. I've been so bossy sometimes. That's because I want friends. Umirap ako. No one will ever understand how I feel. Sa sobrang pait ng mga naranasan ko, mga trato sakin dito sa manila, mas lalo akong naging rebelde. I flirted guys and kissed some, I disobeyed rules in school and been in guidance. I know it is my fault, pero sila rin naman diba?

My phone beeped. I smiled. At the end, there is still someone there for me. I answered the call.

"Paige?" bakas ang pait sa aking pagsasalita. Pumikit ako ng mariin, stupid!

I almost heard some crickets on the background. "April, Is there a problem?'

And now, fuck this. My tears rolled down my cheeks. Hindi ko na kinaya. Gusto ko nalang mapag isa. But I'm thankful for Paige for being there always on my side. Kahit minsan mas sumasama ako sa ibang kaibigan na akala ko ay sasaya ako. Wow I just realized that I picked up a rock and dropped a silver. 

"I'm sorry.." My tears rolled again. I heard that she's crying too. 

"Stop, crying!" We laughed together as we realized that we sounded like soft babies.

After the call, I went home to my condo and changed my clothes. Tinanggal ko na rin ang make up ko. I know my mom will call me later. After naman noon ay wala na, ayos na muli. I smiled at the mirror. I got some features from my mom. Pero kagaya ng sabi nila, I am the fierce version. Kaya minsan ay napagkakamalang masungit. Well, kind of true. Nang nag ring ang cellphone ko ay sinagot ko agad. Mom is very mad, I bet. Nilagay ko sa loud speaker ang call. 

"Hello, April?" I almost dropped my phone. This is not mom. Shit. It's.

"Oliver?" I replied.

"Yes, this is me. I'm outside of your condo unit.." He said. What the hell?

Why is he here! Mamaya ay may makakita pa sa kaniya! 

I ended the call and went immediately to my door. Huminga muna ako at umirap bago buksan ang pinto. When I opened the door, he quickly hugged me tight. I'm sorry but I feel nothing at all. Kinalas ko ang yakap niya at tinulak ng bahagya. 

"Oliver, we were over. Bakit ka nandito?" iritang sabi ko sakaniya.

"What? I'm your boyfriend.." I rolled my eyes. 

"Pwes. Break na tayo! Let's break up now." Diretsong sabi ko. I know this will hurt his feelings pero hindi talaga siya para sa akin. He doesn't fit on my standards. 

Sinara ko ang pinto at pumunta na sa kwarto. Hindi ko alam bakit ako nagpapaligoy ligoy at sinagot kaagad ang lalaking iyon. Maybe because he was fun to be with. 'Yon lang naman ang habol ko, ang sumaya. But then nagsawa pa rin ako. I don't know why.

I lay down on my bed and scroll on my social medias. I stopped when I saw a photo of my friends having fun earlier. You can see on the photo that they enjoyed partying, without me. Sakto naman na nagchat sa akin si Paige. She just messaged good night. Sobrang simple pero nakakagaan ng loob. I replied good night too.

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