𝙵𝚘𝚛𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝙼𝚎 (𝙽𝚘𝚝) - 𝚉𝚊𝚛𝚛𝚢

chapter ix.

The front door closes behind Harry and he leans against it with a sigh, closing his eyes. He's starting to understand, why he is who he is, in spite of forgetting it. Somewhere in a different part of London, there is a home that Harry yearns for. He can't quite remember its address or the layout of it. Hell, he doesn't have more than a blurry image of the bed he used to spend every night in. None of it matters, not after today. Harry just wants his family back.

"How was your date, playboy?"

Harry's suddenly alert, opening his eyes. "Gemma?" And indeed, his sister is slowly waving at him with her fingers from the doorway to the living room.

"It's so good you forgot seven years of blackmail you had on me," Gemma quips as she meets Harry in the middle of the hallway and pulls him into a hug. "I was worried sick," she says in a quieter voice. "I really couldn't get here sooner, I tried. I thought you were dead when mum first called me. Are you okay now?"

"I'm fine," Harry sighs and pulls away. He pulls her gently towards the living room. "As fine as I can be in this situation." He plops down on the couch, Gemma joining him. "I was with the kids for a bit today. They've just gone home."

Gemma doesn't retort right away. She chews on her lips, her eyes flicking over Harry's face. She's picking the right thing to say. There isn't one here. "Has it helped?"

"A little," Harry nods. He cards his fingers through his hair, pulling a little. He might grow his hair out again. "In terms of like, my memory, I didn't have an epiphany. I didn't magically regain all my memories. But... I finally felt all the love I have for them. I still don't remember much but holding Noah and Sadie again, I just- I don't remember feeling like that before. Just overpowering love. I never wanted to let them go."

Gemma smiles wistfully. "You adore them. So much. I know mum has said many times that she loves us to death but I never really took it seriously until I saw you with Sadie. She was this tiny little thing and you truly didn't care about anything else but her. I'm glad at least this came back to you."

"Yeah," Harry says. "I've just, a lot of worries. If I can be a competent father anytime soon. Because I truly don't remember things like, what they eat normally, their bedtimes, all that."

"You'll figure it out, don't worry," Gemma says. "How was Zayn?"

Harry rubs his forehead. "Uh, I don't know? We were fine, I think."

"What does that mean?" Gemma frowns. "Fine. That means a lot of things."

"He's just," Harry huffs out a breath. "A bit distant. Like I was a stranger or something. Or an acquaintance at most."

"Yeah, sounds like him," Gemma comments. "What do you remember about your marriage?"

"Not much," Harry admits shamefully. "But I remember everything from the time we started dating. So I'm really fucking confused because, at the same time, my brain is telling me that I should like, impress him with a splendid blowjob and also that he's my husband and we're supposed to be raising our two small children together. It's messy because I literally have a crush on my husband now. And he's keeping himself away from me. Like, he didn't even hug me when he was leaving."

"Give him time," Gemma shrugs. "For once in your life, wait Haz. When you decided to get married, you were the one to suggest it. Of course, Zayn was head over heels in love with you and would never say no. Just as he didn't say no when you one day were like, oh wait, I want a baby."

"Do you think he'll still want me?" Harry asks. He starts chewing on his bottom lip. "Even if I can't remember things that are important to us."

"I can't read his mind," Gemma says. A moment later, she takes a breath like she's going to speak but instead, he gets off the couch. Harry watcher her with a frown but Gemma's back right away along with a book from the bookshelf. "I think this will help you understand your marriage better than through photos and stuff." She hands the book to Harry and his jaw falls open when he sees it was written by Zayn.