𝙵𝚘𝚛𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝙼𝚎 (𝙽𝚘𝚝) - 𝚉𝚊𝚛𝚛𝚢

chapter xxi.

Harry's actually never been to the building where Dr Brows has her office, even though they work for the came clinic and are technically colleagues. He's never seen Dr Brown herself.

A good thing that Freddie told Harry when he called to arrange the appointment is that he can still use his employee card for the parking nearby. It's at least one good small thing.

The clinic isn't very crowded, considering it's quite early in the morning. At least based on Harry's own schedule, people prefer afternoon appointments, especially the older ones. Since he has quite a few students within his patients, it's easier for him to start in the morning and be able to get home early enough to spend time with his family.

Harry's called into the office at exactly 9 AM. Dr Brown is probably old enough to be his mum but she's got sleek blond hair down to her breasts and immaculate red, matte lipstick. She's tall and thin and a bit terrifying but absolutely gorgeous still, despite some lines on her face signifying her age.

"So, please call me Toni," she says once they're seated opposite each other in identical brown armchairs. The office is simple, with similar generic furniture as Harry's office has, at least that's what he's able to make out from his shoddy memory. "Have you had a good morning? Please, be completely honest. No detail you find compelled to divulge is irrelevant."

Harry's a bit startled by the question. "Um, I had a really good morning, actually. I did wake up like an hour and a half before the alarm but, um, my husband and I, we, um-"

"Had sex?" Toni offers. "We're both adults here, darling."

Harry goes red. "No," he clears his throat. "Um, we just kissed for a while. Then our daughter, Sadie came in and she, um, wanted cuddles? Our youngest cried for a bit but the morning was good overall. I can't complain."

Toni nods, writing something down in her notepad. Jesus fuck, is that how people feel in therapy? Harry has given much thought about how to make his patients feel the most comfortable and make himself as non-threatening and non-authoritative as he could but he's never imagined the whole thing feeling like this.

"I have the basic details about your situation that Freddie has given me," Toni says, her shart blue eyes meeting his again. "But let's go back to the beginning. You were in a car accident. You wake up in a hospital. How do you feel?"

Harry breathes in, looking up and away, trying to escape Toni's gaze. How did he feel? "I, uh, I was a little in pain," Harry starts with the starkest memory. "Then I just wanted to see my mum. And my ex-boyfriend. My husband was there but I knew him only as kind of a mutual friend with my best friend? Not even that. I thought it was a prank at first but then I saw my tattoos and I knew all of it was real."

Toni nods shortly. "How did that make you feel? Not remembering your family?"

"Like shit," Harry chuckles sadly. "At first, I was still kind of in the mentality that I had back then when I was twenty-one. And it didn't go completely away until literally just like, these past few days. But then I started remembering some things and I just felt guilty. So much guilt I can't even describe it. I felt guilty because I couldn't be there for my husband, for my children. I wanted to go back but I couldn't."

"Why couldn't you?" Toni inquires. "If you missed them, why didn't you go back?"

"I didn't think I could take care of the kids," Harry replies. "Still don't think I can."

"Why?"

Harry sighs. "Because the first time I was alone with Sadie and Noah, Sadie broke her arm. I feel responsible for it, I am responsible for it. I left them alone in the living room while I was in the kitchen. Sadie wanted to jump off an armchair the same way our cat did and she fell."