The Shallow

Panic Attack

Chapter 12
(Middle of the night )
Rachel's pov:
I pulled up to Finns house after getting a phone call from him asking me to come over . I got out of the car and opened his front door with the key I got from his mom .

"Finn!" I said running upstairs worried about him .

I walked into his bed room and he wasn't there . Then I heard sobbing coming from the opened bathroom door . I came into the bath to find Finn sitting on the floor huddled into a ball and rocking back and fourth as he cried .

"Finn ." I said coming down beside him

"It's all my fault Rachel." He said crying

"What's your fault Finn ?" I said worried

"Quinn's death , if I just had paid a little more attention that night , it never would've happened ." He cried

I looked at him , my heart was broken for him . Finn lost Quinn , and I had been so selfish and made everything about me that I forgot , he lost his wife , he wasn't ready for me to just spring things on him like this .

"Finn, Finn look at me ." I said holding his red cheek as tears came down it. "Quinn's death was not your fault . You couldn't control the fact the truck hit you guys . You did everything you could to save her , you did , I know you did . You gotta stop blaming yourself Finn , Quinn loved you , she wouldn't want you to keep blaming yourself for what happened ." I told him .

"Quinn was pregnant Rachel , it wasn't just her I lost , it was our baby too ." He said crying

I looked at him with tears in my eyes , it broke my heart to see him like this, so I did the only rational thing I could do . I pulled closer to him and I put his head in my shoulder and let him cry . He sobbed and I just rubbed his back and said ,

"It's okay , I'm here for you."

(The next morning )
I had been up with Finn most of the night , comforting him. I finally was able to convince him to get into his bed and go to sleep . I went down stairs and just sat on the couch and I closed my eyes and bowed my head . What have I gotten myself into ? I thought . Finn was so vulnerable but he didn't really have anyone besides his mom and Kurt to comfort him and he doesn't really like to talk to them because he doesn't wanna burden anyone . I didn't know what to do so I picked up my phone and called the one person who I could trust other then Finn. Mr.Shue .

"Hey Rachel , what's going on ?"

"Hi Mr. Shue . I need your help, can you please come over ?" I asked him

"Sure , where are you though ?" He asked me

"Finns house ."

"Okay .... I'll be there as soon as possible ." He said

"Thank you ." I said and hung up the phone .

(10 minutes later )
I put down two cups of coffee and gave one to Mr.Shue and sat down at the kitchen table . I sipped  my coffee .

"So what can I do for you Rachel ?" Mr.Shue asked me

I didn't know how else to say it so I just did ,

"Did you know , Quinn was pregnant when she passed ?" I asked him

He put his head down and said ,

"Yeah I did ."

I sighed ,

"Why didn't you tell me ?"

"Because I knew it would be harder to get you here knowing Finn had lost so much ." He said

"Then why did you do it in the first place ?" I asked him

"Because Rachel , out of  everyone Finn knows you are the only person who can help him. Who can bring him back from the darkness." He said

"But that is not my job Mr.Shue! I am not supposed to be taking care of him. He is not my responsibility, I am not married to him , I'm not engaged to him ."

"So what? Rachel , I know you two have been through a lot but he has always been your best friend ! You two have always been each others guide , and I don't know where it all went wrong but all I know is that Finn almost died on the roof and you saved him , you brought him back to life ."

"Mr. Shue I'm engaged to a man I love , I can't keep doing this , I'm sorry but it's too much ." I told him

He sighed and looked at me ,

"Look, I know this is hard for you . I know it's hard to be here and to be back in the vulnerable state of mind but Rachel, Finn needs someone he can trust , and while everyone is there for him you are the only one that he lights up for , that he opens up too . He needs you right now more then ever and I believe that you know that deep down you need him too. You're friends , he's your best friend at the end of the day . So please , just be his friend now because he needs you." He said

I looked down at my coffee and said ,

"I just don't wanna hurt him anymore than he already is ."

"You're not Rachel, but if you leave you will." He said .

After Mr.Shue left I went upstairs to see Finn awake .

"Hey ." I said surprised to see him awake .

"Hey." He said still super tired

"How are you feeling ?" I asked him

"Like I've been crying a lot more than I ever thought was humanly possible." He said

We both chuckled and I looked at him and said,

"I'm sorry."

"For what ?" He asked confused

"For letting you down all these years." I said

"Rachel , you could never let me down." He said

"But I did , I let my feelings get in the way of our friendship and I'm sorry . I should've been a better friend ." I told him

"It's okay , I did the same and worst I treated you like the other woman and you deserved better Rach."

I looked at him and said ,

"I missed that." And gave him a big hug .