Red vs Blue Headcanons

Sarge Headcanon

Ok so I mainly thought of this based on the RvB: The Musical episode in season four based on a Single Part where he says "au revoir."

HOWEVER

How fucking hilarious would it be if Sarge spoke fluent French?

It would help make sense of the (season three?) PSA where they made trailers for fake "alternate universes" and they were speaking French, because Sarge could then have written the script. Though, the true comedy would obviously lie in Sarge being BILINGUAL but it

ISN'T.

FUCKING.

SPANISH.

How do they find out? Donut is jamming to a Spotify station with popular songs around the world, looking for Spanish so he can show off while he cleans the base, and a French song happens to play that Sarge has heard before. As Donut goes to skip (of course he splurged for Premium) he hears Sarge mumbling along, and slowly starts sneaking more songs like it into his playlists.

Sarge doesn't realize that Donut's making a big deal out of it (or even that he noticed) until it plays in front of the others, and he is berated by Lopez (and assumes he's being complimented on his 'cool skill.')

Sarge never realizes how similar French is to Spanish.