𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘥𝘧𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳

𝑽

WARNING: SCENES OF VIOLENCE

How delightful it is to be surrounded by people, to see a different face every minute. I felt like I was finally a human being as I walked through the busy streets, where people rushed with purpose. It was so heartwarming to receive a smile from a stranger walking by, and to smile back. Communication is an underrated gift. And then again crossed my mind the fact that sooner or later, I'll have to be back to that piece of hell where God had closed the doors to isolate the place for eternity, and then again was a bitter empty hole in me as I thought of it.

Twice a week, the grocery shopping must be done, and the day I go out for these few hours would be the highlight of my week. Some time ago I used to go out twice, enjoy the blending with people twice, and then Betty came, and we had to take turns, and till this moment I can not tell what gave Mrs. Perkins that thought that doing the grocery disturbs me.

I found in it, beside the joy of seeing people, a perfect opportunity to send the message that I wrote to Louisa last night, the one that every time I thought of made me feel a spike of discomfort. I thought I would drop it, and buy myself some more time outside.

I knew I looked awkward, walking around in my evidently old gown yet with extreme happiness, forming in a smile that spread across my face. It was a little uncomfortable but there was this happiness that entirely overwhelmed it.

I stopped by the post office as I previously intended, I hoped for this little journey to be short, for I was not the best liar, and I would not be able to find myself a good excuse if I were to go late. There was a couple of people standing before me in a tiny queue, one of which was a man who seemed to be fairly rich, judging by his fancy clothing. The other one seemed to be new to town, for unknown reasons she gave off this certain feeling, perhaps it was because she had no clue what to do for the most part.

I waited, trying to be as patient as I could, but it was a hard task as I could not shake the thought of Mrs. Perkins when I go back, it gave me a weird anxiety. Though Mrs. Perkins wasn't mean, she was strict, she was a woman who gave her life to her work after all, she was so committed to her work in an admirable way.

I wished I could deliver the letter myself, go to where she lived and give her the letter by my own hands, but the trip would take longer than the wait here, and I knew for a fact that if I were to go to her, I would not have the will to leave.

When it was finally my turn, I gave the letter in a hurry, seemed to me as if time was chasing after me. In a quick manner I thanked the man and rushed out, it felt hard, almost impossible, to take a moment to relax a bit and fill myself with the joy I found outdoors, I was already preparing answers for Mrs. Perkins questions.

Sun was swallowing the world fully as noon fell upon us, the beautiful, refreshing sun had grown to be strong and painful in a way. By that time the street had grown more crowded, as if people started showing out of nowhere. Walking in that busy street, it felt hard to breathe, everyone was consuming too much air carelessly. Every now and then my body would collide to someone else's, and every time a sorry escaped my lips that it began to be tiring.

A carriage stopped to me, and on the inside I thanked God till he did not want my thanks anymore, at last I was feeling a bit of relief.

"Where to, young lady?" The man asked almost emotionlessly, within his voice though, there was a bit of tiredness to be spotted.

"The Coleman's place in Pippin Oaks." I replied in the same tone of voice as his. I was too tired and too anxious to show any relief.

The entire ride was full of silence, only the feet of a horse hitting the ground with occasional neigh of the horse could be heard. Though as I looked around where we were going, nothing looked familiar. I failed to recognize the area, it didn't look like the usual way to the the Coleman's, but still up in my head I thought of it as a shortcut maybe, or maybe a longer way, I thought he might have his ways. But I was proven wrong when the carriage stopped suddenly, in the middle of nowhere.

The driver, a man who appeared to be around the fourth decade of his life, got off his seat in the carriage. Lost in confusion and somewhat panic, I had no idea what to do or what to think, I just froze in place in utter silence as I watched him go in the direction of the horse and pat its head slowly. Maybe the horse is in need of rest. I thought to myself, trying to hush the bells in my head.

"Sir, I - I don't think it's where I should be going. You might have the wrong directions." I spoke hesitantly, every word I spoke was too fragile that it shattered out of my mouth.

"Oh don't you worry! I just need to do a few things and then we get going." There was a strange excitement in the words he said, and there was a hint of mystery, yet still I found it a bit more comforting.

In a minute I had my attention drifted away, he got into the part of the carriage where I was sitting, slowly with his eyes refusing to let go of me. Time stopped, it seemed, everything was so still as if dead, and the silence that drowned the place was too terrifying. He kept approaching, killing the space that separated the two of our bodies, as he looked at me with mischievous manner in ways that made me a step away from fainting. I could hear my own breaths as they left, I could sense my heart beating like a drum in my ears, and I knew it might stop at any given moment.

"What could a pretty young lady be doing, all alone?" He spoke, hushed and low, yet the obscenity of his words, of the way he talked, made my guts roll with disgust. He ran his finger over my face, slowly tracing my skin with his filthy fingertip and brushing away a strand of my hair.

I was burning on the inside with the desire to cry, to scream, but it was clear that there was no one who could hear my desperate cries. I couldn't hold back the tears that escaped as he tried to bury his head in my neck, the hot breaths that he let hit my skin, tears were leaving a warm trace behind, the world was heating up like boiling water, I felt like a volcano close to explosion.

"Let me go!" I yelled as I pushed him away, catching a breath at last. Just as soon as I thought that the mercy of heavens fell upon me and that I was finally free, he grabbed both of my wrists in one hand, squeezing them to the point I felt my bones crashing like soft sugar as he glared at me, for a moment I could've sworn his eyes were illuminated with fire.

I winced in pain, I couldn't fight the rush of tears that started running down my face like a whitewater river, I didn't want to. I looked him in the eye with a plead, hoping that one way or another the human in him will wake. It didn't do much. He was quick in moving when he aimed for my neck, and then the only thing I felt was his lewd lips feeding on the flesh of my neck, and my desperate internal prayers as I wished to be dead right in that very moment.

"Please let me go, please-" a stinging took over my cheek as he slapped me with all the force put in him that my face was tilted entirely. The growing rage in him found a way out within the glare of his eyes, his teeth clenched, showing that he hadn't any hesitation to hit me again when needed.

He let go of my wrists, but right in the same moment his hands held tight to my upper arms like they were lifebouys that he needed to survive, and then one hand rubbed its way up to my chin. I hated myself, to say the least, every moment that passed with his hands on me, made me feel too repulsive to my own self, and I couldn't stand living in my own skin anymore.

He tried to force his lips upon mine, he was so disgustingly desperate. His nasty breaths had a special sound to them as they came out of him, that kind of sound that makes one feel sick to their stomach. Maybe it was that utter disgust that suddenly fueled me with strength, hit me like a lightning. I felt strong enough to push him away, and I seemed to be able to. He was off me at last, in that little moment his eyes were filled with confusion rather than fury this time.

In an utterly quick pace, I got off of the carriage, and ran as fast as my fragile legs could go. I felt free, yet, somehow somewhere, I felt as if he was still after me, knowing not to rest until he gets me.