I Don't Mind (Phan Fiction)

My Little Secret

"Phil?" I whispered. We were sat on his sofa watching t.v and I was worried. I'm not quite sure why but I just didn't know what everything meant.

"What's up?"  he asked, stroking the back of my hand with his thumb.

"W-what happens now?" I asked, staring down at our hands that were intwined rather than at the goreous boy I had been dreaming about for a long time.

"Well, Dan, I really like you, you're sweet and so fucking hot-"

"But?" I interrupted, knowing there was a but.

"But it's not my style to settle down. I'm sure you know that already." he said.

I kept looking at our hands, never wanting to let go. "So, what does that mean? I'm just really confused. I-I'm not used to this." I mumbled.

"It really depends on what you want. I like spending time with you like this but if you-"

"I don't mind." I cut him off. "I like spending time like this." I knew this wasn't going to end well. What the fuck was I getting myself into. Every ounce of my body was screaming at me not to do this to myself. I knew that I was already far too attached and it wasn't healthy. Phil was trouble. Everyone knew that. I shouldn't get involved in this. And yet, I was willing to give up any kind of steady relationship just to have him in my life like this. As much as there was a sense of danger that filled me with adrenaline, there was still this small voice in the back of my head telling me I was going to get hurt. 

~*~

On Monday I walked towards my area of the forest where I liked to sit and think. On my way there I passed Phil's table. He was talking away to his friends but as I passed, he looked up and winked discreetly at me. I couldn't keep the smile off my face as I got closer to the forest. It filled my stomach with stupid butterflies and my cheeks flushed but it was one of those truly great feelings. It made me feel good and that was a rare occurance these days. I don't  know what it was but I just wasn't in a good state currently. I didn't have any friends and my grades were getting dangerously low. My mum wasn't happy about that. But Phil made me happy. As I sat, I heard a couple of girls walk past, talking loudly enough to hear. I think they were headed for the gate at the back of the field that leads out of school. I sat and listened to their conversation as I had nothing better to do.

"-the party last night." One girl just finished a sentence as I began to listen.

"I hardly remember a thing!" The other girl exclaimed.

"Well, basically he was walking around with this weird kid, I've never seen him around but he looks like twelve." the first girl said with a giggle.

"What the fuck?" the second girl sounded shocked. "He can have anyone he wants and he goes for some stupid kid?" 

"Yeah well, I wouldn't be too pissed. Katie's having a party tonight and it's our year only." the first girl sounded smug.

"You gonna try to get with Phil then?" the other asked and I could hear the smirk in her voice.

"Yeah. I hear he's a good fuck, Better test that theory out." I felt my stomach tighten at her words. Fuck, just hearing her say that makes me so angry. They finally walked out of earshot and I sped back to the school. I was running. I needed to stop but I couldn't. I don't know why I was doing this but I knew that I needed to before tonight. I had a free period next so I had plenty of time. As I reached the boys toilets that no one ever used because they were so far away from the classrooms, I got out my phone and texted Phil.

Boy's toilets. Third floor. Now. From Dan.

I waited there for a while, staring into the mirror. I did look twelve. They were right. But I wasn't young. I was going to prove just how fucking mature I am. I heard the door open and Phil was standing there, a confused look on his face but the smirk never left. I rushed over to him and pushed him against the wall. I began to kiss him hungrily, my hands firmly around his neck. "Woah, easy there, tiger, what's going on?" Phil asked, pulling away slightly.