"What is even going on?" John asked clearly confused.
"We got kidnapped fuckass." Karkat snapped.
"By who?"
"Me." A female, unidentified voice replied. "Doc Scratch here helped my find you guys. He's working the music. I wrote the lyrics. You are all professional singers now, and will sing these, and then go back to your everyday lives. Besides being famous I mean."
Karkat glared at the wall. Each of the trolls and beta kids were in their recording studio. None of them had any idea where they were or why they were there.
"Okay, Karkat, you're first. Here's the lyrics. You've heard the song Fergalicious right?"
"Yes, whoever the fuck you are."
"Good, you're singing these lyrics to the tune to Fergalicious."
"Fuck no, I'm not singing, especially not for you, you nooksucking shit."
"Ugh, just... Plz."
"No."
"Plz."
"No."
"I could do this all day."
"You know what? Fine, but remember that you forced me when your ears die."
"Aww you can't be that bad Karkitty." Nepeta tried to reassure him. John snickered at the nickname, earning a scowl from Karkat.
The music started up and Karkat hid his face behind the music began singing.
"4,3,2, fuck you. Listen up yall, this shit is ironic. Striders pacer best fitted to trolls who got phonics. ..Karkalicious definition makes Terezi loco, she wants to know the secrets that she can't taste in my photo. Dyin' just to know the flavor
I ain't doin' her no favors!
No reasons why I tease
Her flush just comes and goes like seasons." Karkat's face went extremely red as he tried to forget where he was and who was watching him. Terezi looked confused and kind of weirded out.
"I'm Karkalicious (so delicious)
No, I don't DO Kismesis.
And if you read any fanfics
All that shit is fictitious.
I blow kisses (mwah!)
Don't matter if we're just moiraills
Trolls be lining down the Veil for a chance to fill a pail
(Four, three, two, fuck you.)"
"So delicious (Super sweet)
So delicious (bucket adorabloodthirsty)
So delicious (Even Egbert wants a piece o' me)"
John blushed a deep red in his studio.
"I'm Karkalicious (l-l-l-l-like candy, candy)
Karkalicious def-,
Karkalicious def-,
Karkalicious def- Goddammit, Doc Scratch, stop fucking around with my mic-!"
Vriska couldn't breathe she was laughing so hard.
"Karkalicious definition makes the shippers crazy.
Nepeta's always squealin'
Cutesy pet names like Karkitty
I'm the K to the A, R, K, the A, the T,
And the majority of pairings had better include me"
Nepeta shrugged. "Most of them do."
"I'm Karkalicious (so delicious)
My body stays vicious
All the Highbloods feelin' nervous 'cuz I'm doing some fitness
Zahhak's my witness (*whistle*)"
Equius: *sweats*
"Bet that ship curls Nepeta's tail
And he'll be needing all the towels 'cuz I'mma make him sweat pails
(Four, three, two, fuck you.)"
"So delicious (Super sweet)
So delicious (Fuckin' adorabloodthirsty)
So delicious (Even Egbert wants a piece o' me)
I'm Karkalicious Now you nooksuckers hold the fuck up, check it out."
"Omfg the voice right then" the unknown voice fangirls in the background.
"Baby, baby, baby,
If you really want me,
Honey get some patience.
Maybe then you'll get a taste.
I'll be tasty, tasty,
I'll be laced with lacy,"
"I bet you will." Vriska muttered under her breath.
"It's so tasty, tasty,
It'll make you crazy."
"T to the A, to the S T Y - fuckin' tasty, T to the A to the S T Y - fuckin' tasty
D to the E, to the L I C I O U S, to the D, to the E, to the, to the, to the--
I'll just spell it out FOR you!
All the time I turn around trolls gather round always sniffin' at me, wanna guess the
color of my blood."
Terezi laughed.
"I just wanna say it now - I ain't trying to round up any drama, little fucker I just don't want
you to know.
And I guess I'm coming off as just a little insecure although I keep on repeating how the
secret's fucking awesome.
But I'm tryin' to tell, it's a secret that I just don't wanna tell."
Dave: *intense nosebleed*
"Terezi says I smell...
Delicious (so delicious)"
"He does! Like a cherry flavoured happy farmer!"
"No, I don't DO Kismesis.
And if you read any fanfics
All that shit is fictitious."
Nepeta pouted
"I blow kisses (mwah!)
Don't matter if we're just moiraills
Trolls be lining down the Veil for a chance to fill a pail.
Four, three, two, fuck you.
My body stays vicious
Zahhak's been feeling nervous 'cuz I got down to business
Nepeta's my witness (Meow~!)
I'll even let her First Ship sail
Just watch that kitten be the first in line to fill a pail."
Nepeta's facing contorted into an entirely new facial expression that later came to be known as mortisgusted.
"So delicious" "Eridan, see" Vriska began to sing backup as was depicted in the lyrics. Eridan perked up at the sound of his name and paid close attention.
"So delicious" "You can trust me"
"So delicious" "I'll help you be"
"I'm Karkalicious, l-l-like candy, candy"
"It's so delicious" "ay, ay, ay, ay"
"So delicious" "ay, ay, ay, ay"
"So delicious" "ay, ay, ay, ay"
"I'm Karkalicious," "She says my blood is like candy, candy"
"T to the A, to the S T Y - fuckin' tasty. T to the A, to the S T Y - fuckin'tasty
T to the A, to the S T Y - fuckin' tasty. T to the A, to the, to the, to the, to the, to the,
D to the E, to the L I C I O U S, to the D, to the, E to the, L I C I O U S, to the
D to the E, to the L I C I O U S, to the D, to the E, to the--
Now, wait just a motherfucking second!" Karkat slammed his lyrics down on the table and started being Karkat.
"Do I seriously have to spell this shit until the end of the fucking song?
I mean, whoever fucking WROTE the original never had access to spellcheck I guess
because T-A-S-T-E-Y does NOT spell tasty. Was this Fergie douchemuffin illiterate or something?"
"We'll not all humans are grammar nazis." The voice replied.
"What do you mean human rap artists are the only ones brave enough to make their own grammatical trainwrecks and still call it music! What the fuck even is Will Smith even doing?"
"Uh, he doesn't rap anymore. Also that's not what I said.."
"He doesn't throw down sick fires anymore?! Fuck this shit I quit." Karkat threw his headset at the glass and scowled. The music played on for a second longer and then ceased.
YOU ARE READING
A stupid Homestuck Fanfiction
FanfictionSo the homestuck characters get kidnapped by some bitch, and they are forced to sing parodies. This should end well. There will be side ships. Someone did this with Hetalia and I was like good idea, me too.
