Where's my happy ending?

Chapter 1

"Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up. I have realised that in life we will always get the same test until we pass it. We are all in the same hell, just different levels, dealing with the same hell, just different devils. God will not give you a burden you can't handle. So if you find yourself in a mess that is impossible to resolve, take it as a compliment. As teenagers we expect a lot from people & end up getting hurt at the end of the road. This road is not traveled by teens only, adults do too"

Only at the age of 9, I was exposed to abuse. I always kept it as a secret because I loved both my parents, despite the fact that my dad,John, would make me fear for my life. Every Saturday my dad would come home with alcohol and ask my mom to dish up for him, while knowing exactly there is no food in the house. "There's no food in the house John. I tried calling you earlier on but you never answered my calls" said my mom, Rosey. It would all start there, the insults, the swearing, the beating my mom. Having to notice that a young age was really tough. I would run to my room along with my two siblings, Karen she's 5 years older then me and Dan he's 3 years younger than me. We would all cry when we heard our mother being beaten up, hearing the fists land on her bones, the unending scream and asking us to call the police. Karen as the older sister, during every fight, tried stopping mom and dad from fighting. That only resulted in dad disliking Karen, for he thought she takes mom's side. It went on for years. Anger, sadness and emotional flashbacks of things that I did not want to remember built up in me. I slowly but surely started being angry towards men in general but I loved my little brother so much. Every time mom and dad fought, I'd hug him and tell him to never lay his hand or raise his voice to his wife in the future, it will only make him less of a man. There's was never a month the noise from behind closed doors stopped. At the age of 12 I knew I was depressed but did not want to admit it. One night I had abdominal pains, decided to keep quiet and just drank painkillers. The next morning I was awoken by severe abdominal pains, fever, sweating & felt nauseous. I could not walk or sit up straight. I never planned on telling my mom because I felt that she already has a lot to deal with, but I could not bear the pains. It felt like my body was submerged in ice cold water. I just couldn't take it anymore, I called my mom to my room and explained what was happening to my body. She did not even want to waste time, the love she had for us was deeper than the ocean. I was taken to our family doctor, Doctor Piet. Had a full body examination and he found nothing wrong with me. He just gave me pills to help with the pains I was complaining about. Later that day, when my dad came home from work, my mom told him what happened during the day and I was sick. He never believed that story. He believed it was one of the tricks teens do when they do not want to go to school. He came up to my room and said to me "You know I was also a teenager, right? So do not think you can fool me like you fooled your mother. I am not as stupid as she is." During that 2 minutes I told myself I'd never bother anyone about my problems. I acted okay even the pains made my life difficult. My two friends, Zoe and Jennifer, were very supportive. I was being emotionally drained, cried myself to sleep, I was so tired...I just wanted to give up...close my eyes and sleep forever. Every minute of each day and night I had suicidal thoughts, never told my friends about my feelings because they would maybe think I just wanted attention. I became emotionally paralyzed, lost my real self and was killing me. Well I had to suck it up, for the world is more cruel than my dad. A week later I was taken to a gynaecologist, my dad was also there. The Doc had a scan done on me. Only then they were able to see the devil that was making me experience the abdominal pains. I was only 12! I was just a child! A child that was told she had endometriosis and cannot be cured, it has its way of coming back. Dad was surprised that I was indeed sick but had too much pride so he never apologized. Tears rolled down my face so warm it felt. I did not know how to feel anymore. Nobody would ever understand the hell I felt inside my head, not even you.