Where's my happy ending?

Chapter 8

Here I was, not so long ago, thinking that I need people to make me happy. That I will find my happiness in people. I was wrong. Happiness is within yourself. God removes people who does you no good for a reason. If you continue going back to them you will remain stuck in life. Dysfunctional is not love. Self love comes first. "How will another being love you, before you love yourself first? Do you think a person would choose someone who has a low self esteem? No self love? Love yourself first & rely on making your own happiness so that no one can take it away from you. Do not be like me and think love is everything. Be Miss Independent. Have courage, do not let a man tell you women cannot do a certain job. I was a fool to believe that a man will provide so I do not have to work. Do not be like me. If you do not feel comfortable with someone, honey, leave." Mom said to me when I asked her about how important self love is. Damn I love my mom. She is definitely not rich but she is rich on the inside and we never go to sleep hungry. All along I have been giving people all that I 'had to give'. I received nothing but pain. I cared too much, I loved deeply, I gave too much, I forgave too easily in the end I was hurt the most. It is true when they say love will never be enough to satisfy a person. Relationships are more than just love. It is about trust, loyalty, honesty, communication, support, respect, commitment, protection, love, friendship, cherishing one another, perseverance, passion, being together in health and in sickness, being a soild unit. Now I see why parents do not want to hear or see their child being in a relationship during their teen life. They have been there, done that. They know the pain we feeling, the pain they warned us about. Young girls are getting pregnant. It was not planned. They were trying to prove their love. I wish they knew that a man cannot be trapped by pleasure, they don't get satisfied that easily. They need to learn to save themselves for the one who is really worth it, the one their mothers know, the one who put a ring on it. It is sad how some guys think girls are things. Here is the problem: There are things to use and people to love but today's generation has a complete different understanding. They love things and use people. The world has changed. We do not trust people that much. We do not love each other like we should do. We get judged for being real while others are loved for being fake. Pregnant teens get laughed at, which leaves others to kill an innocent soul. We live as a generation that makes jokes about personal stuff. We take lust and make it love. Young girls and boys are being raped. In girls cases they blame them for wearing short skirts. Balance me here: a 1 year old baby girl was raped. Does it still stand as " she was wearing a short skirt". Yet our justice system is fucked up. We being molested by the ones we trust most uncles, brothers, fathers even that neighbour you saw as a father. What have we done to deserve such? Parents are burying their children. Friends are not as loyaly anymore. Jealousy reigns. There is no peace not even in parliament. People are still holding onto the past. The youth has decreased in numbers because of fights and crime. Our brothers and sisters have become enemies. We set evil traps for one another. Women are seen as a punching bag. What have we become? Is this the future they were talking about? Is this the "peace" they wanted? I say no. We are not animals. We are humans, black, grey, green, purple, pink, red, white, maroon, yellow, we are one. My hair is my crown no school rule should take that away from anyone. My body is God's temple no one should bring shame to it. My smile is my signature no one should make me forge theirs. I am MYSELF. Depression has no say, PTSD has no strength, Anxiety has no power, ADHD has no energy because GOD REIGNS! My wrists were marked by love, love by knife. I have been through so much. I gave up on life at some point but what I am today can never be compared to what I was. I choose myself over anything else. It seems like Cambell is still clenched on my cousin Brian. Brian also seems like he still loves her. From my point of view Cambell broke up with him by listening to her heart, which was still hurting, not a sober mind. Well i am letting her go. I am letting myself capture great features of my own world, even if it is not that perfect. I am not perfect either but I am imperfectly perfect. I will find a woman who is going to love me more than anything else, who's going to cherish every moment we have together, tease me, share her corny jokes, check up on me, never let me sleep with a broken heart, be able to apologize for her mistakes, encourage me in my studies, motivate me to work harder as each day goes by, meet my family, attend every rugby game and be my #1 fan. As for Brian, he is going to remain family, family never forsake each other. I love him to the last bit. Our relationship went through a lot regarding the Cambell story. We are not going to let that separate us. I am never letting him go like they did. Brian needs to understand that there are plenty of women out there but Cambell is one in a millon. He should have never let her go in the first place, but life happens, he respected her wish.