I was 7 years old when I experienced my first sexual encounter. A girl kissed me on my lips and put her hands down my pants in the back of a school bus. It was a memory I had forgotten for the next 22 years. Until now. Now I'm forced to dig up where it all began. When I was a child, I don't think I realized how much that experience traumatized me. I only remember how uncomfortable and afraid it made me feel. I remember having to see that girl again a few days later down the hall and I ran in the opposite direction. I didn't know then what I know now. That, that moment would change my life completely.
Because as I got older, I've made a turmoil of horrible decisions in every relationship. I developed this habit of pushing aside traumatic events. Brushing them off the way I'd brush off the dandruff from my hair. Like oh, you're 24 and pregnant now. No problem. Get an abortion. Now you're still 24 and pregnant again. Don't worry. You got this. Just get another one. I've had this struggle of learning from my mistakes. I don't know what it is about having reckless sex, but it's become this escape goat for me. I go into these moments where I feel nothing. I'll have a void inside of me and sex helps me feel everything all over again. But I only feel it for that time. Once it's over, the emptiness comes back. I can't say I was in love every time it happened either. But I have fallen in love so many times. That's why I'm here, having a therapy session with my pen and paper. PTSD they say, Borderline Personality Disorder they say. Call it what you will. But this is me... I'm Natti and this is my story.
YOU ARE READING
This is me.
Short StoryThese short story chapters are about the struggles Natti faced throughout her life and how they've led to where she is currently.. in therapy. Her struggles in love, childhood trauma, all leading up to this point.
