Scintilla

17) Resolve and Break

It's as if you're in a daze as you walk to the trial grounds. The world seems fuzzy and distorted, like nothing is real including yourself.

It's hard to imagine when you woke up in a locker that this would all happen. You're disappointed in yourself for getting so affected by everything. You could just... slap yourself for getting so upset over a mere insects death.

"Hey, (Na-)" You flinch away from the hand placed on your shoulder.

Kaede is looking at you with concern, hand retracting in shock. You feel some sort of regret, but at the same time you want to yell at her (and everyone) to stay away from you. Theres an immense amount of rage bubbling under your skin, which doesn't seem to have a direct cause.

"Uh... Are you okay?" Kaede shifts on her feet, throwing a glance over her shoulder at the rest of your classmates that are continuing to the trial grounds.

You want to dissolve onto the floor (or into her arms). You just want to be comforted, but thats an urge you will never satisfy.

"Splendid. Thanks for asking." Is your reply, then you continue past Kaede, expressionless.

You tap Shuichi on the shoulder, he turns. You hold out the katana, eyes looking straight past him.

"Here. I found it in Korekiyo's room. I'm sure you can piece it all together," you drone.

He takes it tentatively.

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x
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Its like we've just met, all over again. The blonde haired girl tugs at her backpack, wincing as her shoulder muscles ache, I thought I was finally getting somewhere with her. I was going to tell her about the library...

She raises a hand to her face, examining it as if its an interesting object. She balls it into a fist, dropping it down to her side quickly. Then she trails behind the rest of her classmates.
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x
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You join your classmates in the elevator, feeling a tinge of guilt as you see Kaede break into a sprint to catch up. You move your gaze away, unsure why you're directing your anger at your closest (and only) friend. The only person to blame is yourself.

Don't feel. Don't feel.

Push her away. Push them all away. Just like you did with your very own mother.

The thought seems to come from nowhere, and it causes you increasing panic. But there's nowhere to hide in the elevator, theres merely a metre between each person. But at least you're standing at the back, while everyone else looks towards the front. It gives you enough privacy to calm down.

The gates open and everyone files out and moves behind a podium. You don't miss how they all throw a pitying glance at the newest addition to the memoriam.

You stand behind your podium, rolling your shoulders, ignoring any glances in your direction.

"I can't believe this is happening again..." Tenko mutters, wringing her hands.

"Ooh, what should we talk about first? Hey hey, Shumai, Kōri-Hime! What should we talk about first?!" Kokichi enthuses.

Shuichi grumbles, and you feel as if you've missed something. But in the back of your mind, something nudges you, urging you to remember.

"Who's Kōri?" Kaede asks, scrunching her eyebrows in confusion.

"(Name), duh." Kokichi rolls his eyes, gesturing with his hand as if Kaede is an idiot.

But in all honesty? How would anyone know he was calling you that now? It surprises even you. Each time you hear the word thrown around, it almost feels like a slap in the face. Like someone is insulting you, but you really don't understand why.