Summoned To Have Tea With The Demon Lord, I Guess I'll Defeat Him

Chapter 13: Darjeeling

"All rise for the Honorable Judge Darjeeling."

The courtroom, a mix of humans and demons, oblige the bailiff's request. We stand before the judge's bench with our hands magically restrained behind our backs. We have no lawyer, nor were we offered one. The charges are indisputable, they'd said, confiscating our belongings and confining us to prison for the night.

On the bright side, they'd allowed us each a quick excuse for a bath as part of the prison intake. I've never felt so clean, even after a stay in a dirty cell. I hope Sinensis sees the inside of one soon. That'll show him a thing or two.

Ahem.

The judge calls for our attention with a metered cough.

She's an older demon, a pleasant pale green, with her face flushed with anger as she repeats the charges against us: "Adventuring without a registered party. Adventuring without a permit. Poaching endangered slimes. Trespassing in a privately-owned forest. Disturbing the peace. Petty larceny—"

"What?" Izumi asks.

"I think she means looting the monsters," I whisper back.

"Between you three, I could probably list another half-dozen crimes." She scowls, showing her sharp teeth. She takes a short sip from a western-style teacup, still steaming. "How do you plead?"

"Innocent!" Izumi yells.

"Innocent," Mamoru grunts.

"Guilty." I hang my head.

I can't lie, even to a demon, even if Izumi and Mamoru shoot me glares cold enough that I swear they've learned ice magic.

Darjeeling seems to respond to that, softening her expression a little when she looks at me. "These are all crimes which we do not take kindly to, especially in the capital city. Examples must be made of those who defy the decrees of Lord Sinensis. His word is law here now, even as we let the current human King keep his title."

The same officer who arrested us runs up to the bench and whispers something in her pointy ear. I can't hear it and I'm at a bad angle for trying to read his lips.

"Though I suppose we can work out a plea deal for you lot, just this once." The judge's attitude has completely changed. Why? "If you're willing to correct your registration issues and begin your adventures with a permit, we can overlook the rest."

"Our registration issues?" I ask.

"Your party registration."

"We weren't having a party, Your Honor."

"Your adventuring party," Darjeeling sighs. She reminds me a little of a tired aunt, rather than a malicious creature that I'm supposed to be scared of. "Girl, do you know nothing of this world?"

"Hiyorin, you're hopeless," Izumi groans.

Mamoru stares at me. "Are you an idiot?"

My face burns red with embarrassment. What on earth does a party have to do with adventuring? What does any of this have to do with us? We're supposed to be saving a noble's daughter, or learning how to fight, or something. Anything. Anything but this.

My spotless record is going to have an arrest on it – and a night's stay in jail – and there's nothing I can do to expunge it. That's the true humiliation of it all.

Suddenly, our hands are free. We all stretch out, but I make sure to keep my movements small and inconspicuous so nobody can read them the wrong way. The last thing I want is a charge of attacking a court official.

"Sign here," the hoofed cop instructs me, pointing to a dotted line on an unreadable piece of paper.

I shoot him a confused look. "There's no pen."

"Just press your finger against the line," he explains.

"Without reading what it says first?" I inwardly curse my illiteracy. "That's hardly fair!"

"Would you prefer the alternative? It's your... what do you call it... Your plea deal."

I look at Izumi for confirmation. She nods and gives me a thumbs up. At least she looks confident, though I can't tell if it's because she can read the bargain or whether she's just excited to be living the life of an adventurer.

As I move my finger to the page, Mamoru's eyes widen. "Wait, not the first line!"

But an afterimage of my thumbprint is already shimmering against the parchment. He scowls, slamming his hands down on the table in front of us.

"What's the big idea, making her the party leader like that?" Mamoru asks the cop. "If you're going to force us together, at least let us choose properly."

"I didn't make anyone anything. She simply signed in the party leader's registration slot." There's something almost smug about the way the cop speaks that makes me suspicious, but I can't put a finger on it. "You're up next."

Mamoru grudgingly places a finger on the second line, and Izumi follows up with the third. Once her thumbprint appears, the parchment rolls itself up and a brilliant purple ribbon appears out of nowhere, tying it neatly with a bow.

It looks a lot like a college diploma, a mockery of the education we're all losing out on by being brought to this world.

"You are free to go," Darjeeling announces. "Now that you have your party license, do not lose it. You can collect your belongings in the next room when you are ready. Court is adjourned."

The audience to our mockery of a trial takes some time to filter out, murmuring tedious gossip about corrupt courts, and I can't help but wonder again what made the judge go so easy on us. We leave last, escorted by the horned bailiff to what I can only assume is an evidence locker. Dozens of items are categorized, labeled, and shelved in the adjoining room, and our possessions are among them, retrieved swiftly.

There's a certain sense of relief that comes with reuniting with my axe, even though I still barely know how to use it. There's an even greater sense of relief when I check my bag to see Lavender's mirror still there. It doesn't look like they've rummaged through my things, but if they're a thorough police force, they'll have done their due diligence.

Did they pick up on my connection with Sinensis? Did I just inadvertently bribe a judge? I don't want another charge on my record.

By the time I've tuned back into the conversation, Izumi is trying to pry more than two words at a time out of Mamoru. It's not working very well.

"Fine. If you want to get arrested again, be my guest." Izumi sulks. "Or you can come meet us in front of the Silver Turtle Inn tomorrow at dawn and take us to the castle."

"I'm not going back to the castle." He's tight-lipped about the matter. "And I'm not partying up with you."

"Legally speaking, you already have," my sense of justice compels me to interject. "Tell me, if Sinensis's goons control this town, how do the royals have any influence?"

"They're just figureheads," Mamoru sighs. "Hoping to be something more."

Yeah. That makes more sense. I'm beginning to get a picture of how this world's legal structure works.

It doesn't.

It doesn't work at all.

The dysfunctional court is apparently the closest thing to sanity around here. I can't believe I'm siding with the demons.

"So... quest?" Izumi asks.

"I need to get stronger without help from those geezers anyway," Mamoru grumbles.

Izumi flashes a peace sign. "See you at dawn~!"