Freya

3_Emotions & A New Identity

So before I continue, let me apologize for the grammatical errors and if there's no flow...I'm new at this so please just overlook that...thank you

Quilandra's POV

I feel as if a bomb has just been dropped over my head , which couldn't be so far from what my own parents are telling me. Do they even know what they are asking me to do? Do they understand what I stand to lose? They are asking me to leave behind everything: my life, the only life I've managed to create, my family....how will I get to see Di'Angelo? "Mom, dad....do you understand what you're trying to get me into? How can I possibly become someone else? I am me, your daughter Quilandra. How can you ask me to become someone else.....no.... you've got to be joking. I'm not going to change myself.....no" I can feel desperation edging it's way all the way to my heart when I see sadness all over my mom's face. "Baby....this is for your safety...... we're trying to keep you safe....it's the only way" mom says, not able to look at me. " Increase security, install more CCTV cameras, call the army if you must but not me changing my identity or better yet, find the person trying to kill me" I add, emotions running off me in waves. They don't understand what they are asking me to do. They don't know how hard it has been to grow into the person I have become, the person they know and now they want me to throw it all away, just like that...no.

"Quilandra that is no way to talk to your mother. What is wrong with you?" Dad asks me. What is wrong? Oh I'll tell them. "You want to know what's wrong? Well everything is wrong.... everything is wrong. You asking me to change my identity....to become someone else, that's what's wrong...no lo voy hacer (I'm not going to do it). You are asking me to give up my whole life , the only family I know and start all over again which is not fair if you ask me. Mom please....dad, you can't just send me off to some unknown country because you think the person trying to kill me won't ever find me. My whole life has been here and I can't just walk away from it because you see it fit" I say with tears running down my face, I angrily wipe them away...there's no way I'm letting them send me away. " Don't you have people to find solutions to these kinds of problems? Because if you do then you better start hiring again since they're all useless". " Quilandra that's enough now" my dad yells, and I almost jump out of my seat in fright. My hand brushes against my stitches and I flinch from the pain. Why does this still hurt? It's been four days now but it can't be compared to the emotional turmoil raging inside me at my parents insensitivity. Gracie hasn't said a word since I got here I somehow register through my agonizing moment of pain.

" Honey are you alright?"mom worriedly asks. " Yes I'm fine" I lie, not that she cares. " You look like you're in pain my dear" , " And you would know that" I say while getting out of my chair." Graciara, please take her to her room" dad says and I feel myself about to explode with anger. How do they act like they care and don't care all at once. " No need. I can find my way to my room just fine and it's something I'll have to  be doing a lot in my new life right, finding my own ways around?"and I give them a forced smile before going to my room where I cry all  my physical and emotional pain out before falling into a deep slumber. There's someone chasing me endlessly and I can't catch my breath. Somehow I can't outrun them either. My pace is getting slower and slower so I decide to hide somewhere among the shadows. I feel a bit safer after seeing the person run past my hiding spot and then I feel the chills down my spine when I feel something sharp pressed against my lower back. I slowly turn around and the dagger is plunged straight into my heart, the pain intensifying as it gets continuously twisted deeper into my heart. I'm gasping for air at each turn, " welcome back to your hell" a hate filled voice whispers. I'm getting dragged by my hair, my scalp on fire but somehow I can't find it in me to fight back. Before I can form any cohorent thought, ice cold water is poured all over me, a burning sensation licking its way all over my body making me gasp loudly and screaming in pain.

"Quilandra wake up.....baby....shhh it's alright, you're safe" mom says brushing my hair back continuously, trying to calm me down. I'm clinging onto her to assure myself that her presence is not part of the nightmare. " Mom?"and I sob into her shirt. " Baby...it's me ...you're safe...calm down now. It's okay" she softly says. After calming down, mom asks Gracie to bring me my favourite chicken soup,along with my medication since I can't take it without eating first .....which also includes an injection and I hate it. Gracie puts me in a sitting position, putting a few pillows behind me for comfort. She's still not talking to me even though I can see the worry on her face, it's in her eyes and I just don't know what to say to her but I know I'll have to apologize soon. I notice my dad lingering in the doorway, talking on the phone, worry so evident on his face and helplessness. And to think of what they must all be feeling because of me and my refusal to get help, it's eating them away. I try to eat the chicken soup that I would usually find delicious but even looking at it it's nauseating. I feel the guilt eating me up from the inside when I think of what I'm putting everyone through.

Everyone is already blaming themselves that it's their fault when it's all mine. They feel as if they haven't done enough when I'm the one who ruined everything. They feel helpless watching me suffer from one nightmare to another and I have been so selfish to think that I'm the only one suffering in all this. There's Gracie who has done nothing but be there for me, there are my parents who have only wanted the best for me and then all the bodyguards who put their lives on the line for me and I'm sidelining all their feelings just because I've allowed my emotions to get the better of me. I have ignored the fact that these are the same people who spend sleepless nights because of me and I have been nothing but ungrateful. I need to make things right and I can't keep doing this to my parents or Gracie or anyone else. I know the feeling of helplessness only too well and I can't keep doing this to all these people who only want the best for me. Maybe a change of scenery is exactly what I need, maybe the nightmares will finally go away...maybe it wouldn't be so bad and somehow everyone will be at peace then. " Mom....dad... remember what you told me earlier?"and deafening silence fills the room completely, even Gracie who is preparing my medication goes still. " Yes, but honey it's......." "No, it okay...I'll do it...I think it's for the best don't you think?"and she just stares at me and then looks from my dad to Gracie and then back at me. "Laurie....baby you don't...", " Mom...I hate that name, how many times do I have to tell you that? And I want to do it...I'm tired of all these nightmares, I'm tired of seeing blood in my sleep, I'm tired of waking up gasping for air all the time...even though I can't be a normal child... at least I should be able to sleep normally...I want to do this" and I smile at all of them, my heart lifting a little when they all smile back at me.

"No matter who you become,you'll always be my baby. A change of identity doesn't mean a change of heart dear and I'm happy that you're willing to do this for me...for us. We can't afford to lose you again, not even if it's for a few seconds. I'm not ready to lose my baby girl....not now...not yet" and as I hug her, I know I have done the right thing, I have sealed my fate.

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I feel my baby's pain😭😭so that's it for now...thanks for the love❤️❤️