AoT/SnK~Preferences/Oneshots

Armin ~ Blue Dress {Part Three}

-Two Weeks Later-

Armin stood amongst the small crowd, invisible. Dressed in black, they all watched as the casket was lowered into the ground. He could not avert his eyes, could not stop the tears that fell from them. He felt no shame in crying.

It had happened four nights ago. Most of it was a blur. Everything melded together in his head to form one massive, painful memory. A memory he could not keep from replaying in his head.

He took in a deep breath, finally forcing his eyes to close.

The rest of the day passed quickly.  He felt as though he were there for none of it.  He stood in the room, watching as the few people conversed, and he still felt as though his eyes remained shut.  Did they understand?  Did they, too, know what it felt like?  The feeling of the whole world collapsing in on itself, with you standing directly in the middle of it?  He hoped they didn't.  He wouldn't wish that on anyone.  And his eyes closed again.

When they opened, he sat alone somewhere inside the cemetery. He wasn't sure where.  Whatever had happened in between the burial and then was lost on him.  His throat hurt from holding back tears. Hadn't he cried enough already? He didn't wish to do so anymore. Rather, he wished he knew what to do with himself other than cry. 

He stared up at the grey sky.  More than anything, he felt confused.  Questions loomed in the air, circling him, taunting him.  The one that haunted him most, the one that remained the deepest, was 'What Next?'  Maybe he had hoped that getting away from everyone else would help him answer this.  He allowed his head to hang again as he accepted the fact that he had no idea what came next. 

How do I move on? He thought thought to himself.

"Hello," a quiet voice said. A voice he hadn't heard in a while.

"I'm sorry I'm late," (Y/N) said as Armin looked up. She wore black. Her eyes were red. She must have been crying, too.

"It's okay," Armin said, sitting up a bit. "I understand."

She sat down beside him. The sky was dark, yet her face still shone. She stared ahead, and Armin looked at her face. She was more pale than he remembered.

"Are you okay?" he asked her.

"Hey, this isn't about me," she turned to him, head tilted to the side. "How are you?"  He had felt so many emotions, it was nearly impossible to explain.  Not without sounding crazy.  All of these complex feelings, he could hardly find a way to state them in a way that made sense.

He shook his head, "I... I don't have words. I don't get it..."

"...You said he went peacefully?" she asked. He nodded. "At least... he wasn't in pain."

They were silent for a while. The clouds moved with the wind, but did not clear. There was nobody around them, an uneasiness hung in the air.  More so, a sorrow.  A heaviness that weighed down the atmosphere. 

"You know," he started, hesitating a bit before he spoke again. "He really liked you. I think he would be glad you're here." She didn't answer. Armin figured it was hard to respond to something like that. Instead, she brushed her knuckles against his before carefully taking his hand in her own. He closed his eyes, trying not to cry in front of her.

"I know I only met him once," she began. She didn't seem to mind how hard he was squeezing her hand. "But... I could tell just how much he loved you... just by the way he looked at you."

Armin felt a tear roll down his cheek, despite closing his eyes as tight as he could. Before he could stop himself, his body began to quiver as he broke down yet again.  (Y/N) squeezed his hand a bit tighter.  He wished he could curl up into a ball, disappear into nothing.  Anything.  Anything to stop the hurt.