Beyond us (EDITING)

1. Our Inner Demon

There is a silence, a mocking silence, a loud silence.I feel this pain in me, something in me wants to be out, in front of the world. It wants to portray the black and white suffering. I try talking to about it, as I speak, I experience this agony. I don't want to be this mad. I don't want to show this rage while I talk about what is in me but again in contrast to this emotion, as I speak up, I feel something blooming in me, something growing, like a sunflower blooming up in darkness.

It is strange, it is weird but beautiful. There is a different pain in both the aspects, a lot of people kill themselves by not bringing out the pool of darkness in them but millions of people also die everyday while being unable to explain people the misery they feel. Some wish they had spoken about it others just feel they would have been better off silent.

As we listen to people telling us their story, finding just the right words to express their pain or finding the right silence to express their distress, we nod to them while trying to understand the gloomy rhythm of apathy and uncertainty.

And then we come back home, again to the dark night, fighting another struggle to whether to keep it in or let it out. We look at the sky, as dark as the monster in us, as the monster starts to begin showing its worse we run back and hide in our blankets, believing it might shelter us from the demon. Only to sweat and indulge with it, we feel it mocking us . Trying to convey that the we are afraid of none but ourselves and in those dark hours we try to find someone who would understand.

Meanwhile our exhausted eyes lose momentum to the night and we finally fall into the paranoia of sleep. Struggling through the weird projections of our insecurities.

Still tired, we wake up in the middle of the night hoping to find the rays of the sun outside the window. We nourish the blooming sunflower with darkness again.

We sleep, we dream again, this time we feel the warm sun, we feel delighted, we know its a dream, we don't want to wake up. The warmth is just the right amount our soul needed. We sit back facing the sun, letting the sunflower in us relish the light this time, the sun starts getting warmer. It starts getting uncomfortable, we look for a shade, We can't find it, We try walking away from the sun, the heat starts burning us, suddenly we don't know if it is a dream anymore, we start running, as we slip and fall, we wake up.

Short of breath. In that moment of black and white suffering,we have found the courage, we make our choice and talk about it.