Beyond us (EDITING)

3. Vicious love

Relationships are not easy. What is more difficult than a relationship is the fear of letting go. As we meet someone and connect with them mentally, emotionally and physically. We bind ourselves into them. But when we are not in the relationship anymore and we are starting to fill the void they left in our lives, it is then when we feel the loss at the most. All of a sudden the person is gone, leaving their trails behind, little hint of memories, a faint fragrance of the lost love. 

It is such a contrary that when they are with us it sometimes becomes a task to take out time for them and then suddenly when they are gone it feels like we have nothing to do, so much time to waste. And in the memories of them, we try to distract ourselves, we try to do something productive. You know what is the worst part about all of this? The fact that we will have to hunt for love again .

Although in a bigger picture, it is inevitable. Two people with contrary backgrounds, totally different upbringings, dissimilar tastes of music fall under the pressure of hormonal attraction. The force is bound to break at some point. If you think of it, it makes much little sense.

We see a person and we zing with them. Sometimes it is instant, sometimes it takes a while to grow on us. Its funny but really practical if we think about it. It is about the choices. We try to give our best shot in our relationship with our available resources. Yet, things mess up. 

Anyway, it is always great in the beginning. Sweet exchanges of feelings, expressions of love, passionate kisses. But what happens when the passionate love starts fading. All of it comes down to a feeling that something is not right.

We are sappy humans. We all have that 'wake up in the middle of the night, something is not right' moment. There comes a time when we know that the relationship is not working anymore.  We try to figure out what went wrong. Whose fault it is. Maybe it is nobody's fault. We choose to separate.

But is it the right way? We don't know. That is what most people do. But let us talk about separation as of now. People struggle in finding the exact moment when to separate. It could be so simple if people just talk it out and understand that the relationship is dead and now as what most people do, they must separate and forget each other henceforth.

It is not that simple  and that is because two people don't feel the same way at the same time. Where one is wanting to separate, other might not just realize that there is something wrong with the relationship. Logically, none of us want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with us but it is hard to let go. It is almost impossible. We keep struggling between the facts that we love the person and the person doesn't want to be with us. And we try fixing things which just makes it uglier. The problem is that the other person has fallen out of love before us and eventually we will too. It would be a totally different scenario had we been the first one to feel that way.  

I remember dating a guy who I was head over heels in love with. After a couple of fights and makeups and more of fights and makeups. I woke up once in the middle of the night and realized that this isn't working out and I don't want to be this miserable anymore. I told him about it and he didn't take it very well. He told me I was giving up on something precious. Something I could have held onto for a lifetime. I did what I had to. I broke up.

Now when I think of it, I had two options, I could have either stayed and tried working out the relationship until he realized that things aren't the same anymore or I could just have left.I chose the other one. The reason I left was because we weren't fighting over reckless things like the second person isn't giving us enough time or the relationship is losing spark. I left because I felt I wasn't being treated the right way and the person didn't give me enough respect. That is a fair reason to separate. Other good reason is if the person is cheating on you.

But if only in the middle of the night you wake up to realize things are not working out because you are lagging enough time or reason to give to each other then that is just a very stupid reason to separate. We eventually have to find and be with someone who compliments our mental health and try working on that relationship like it is never going to end.

The guy I broke up with called me a couple of times to start things again. Eventually, he started seeing someone, he would still text me. He would tell me that we would end things with the girl if I wanted him back.

You see that is a very tricky choice. When someone we love so much wants to be with us but we have to choose to not to allow them in our lives because they would restore us back to the pathetic people we had become when we were with them.

If I had let him in that day, I would have been damaged, broken and out of the place again. We need to make a decision about who needs to be in our lives and who doesn't. If I had kept the door open for him- all the drama, all the mess and all the inevitable. I would have to do it all over again and yet again. Keeping the door shut changed the meaning of love for me and I am glad I made that decision.