Falter

Chapter 38 - love me, love me not

ELIZA

I know it's already a bad decision coming here when Millie won't stop eyeing me from across the table. It made me feel insecure, like I didn't belong. I'm happy to see Hunter socializing with her like a friend but I can't deny the fact that they looked so good together. Hunter has been sweet with me, feeding me food, constantly asking if I'm okay. But I just can't get out of the conversation that we have out of my head.

"How are you even so sure he'll get back to you once I do that?"

"I just know he will. That's how well I know him."

Her sultry voice resounded in my head. I tell Hunter I don't feel good, because I do, and ask to go to the bathroom. He asked if he would come along but I insisted she stayed. I feel crowded enough by Millie. I walked to the lake house and opened the door, the smell of fresh daisies the first thing to greet you.

But the way he said he wants to have babies with me, messes with my mind. I'm again on cloud nine but I choose to erase that sweet feeling. I feel like I'm betraying someone I don't even know.

The cabin was designed like the one you see in those Home and Interior magazines, it's picture perfect with a matching elegant fireplace. I walked to the long corridor leading to what I thought was a bathroom, I opened the door and it's a nursery. It's complete with toys, books and everything baby proof. Few pictures also line the walls and one particular picture caught my eye. It's Hunter and Millie, staring at each other's eyes, smiling, full of love and emotions.

The bile rose up in my throat and I almost puked right there and then. I went out and opened the next door, thankful it's the right room and I emptied my stomach on the sink. Once my stomach decides it's time to puke my guts out, I sit down on the toilet, still gripping the rail, I pull down my panties and peed.

When I pull it up, I can see a small amount of blood in them. There, bright red and screaming "You have your period"! on my face. I don't know what came over me but I cried, I cried my eyes out. Maybe I'm just emotional because of my monthly visit but I'm emotional because I asked for a sign. A sign if I should consider Millie's plea. Looking at the blood-stained panties, my tears flowed from my eyes, this was a clear sign. A clear sign that I shouldn't be pushing for something that isn't even fully mine.

I scanned the bathroom and found tampons in one of the drawers, used one and pulled up my panties. I looked at myself in the mirror and wiped my tears dry. I walked out and I saw Millie and Hunter from a distance hugging each other while they're looking down at their daughter's grave. My heart just shattered in a million pieces, my breathing constricted, the walls of my chest felt like they're going to blow up any second. And when she tiptoed to kiss him, I couldn't look at it. I ran back to the cabin and shut the door silently while I sob. Sobbing because this was all on me, hurting because I didn't know when to stop loving him even though I shouldn't. He belongs to someone else. And that someone else is not me.

I pulled out my phone and opened the ticket I booked one week from now. I was about to reschedule it when I heard Hunter's voice calling for me. I stood up and wiped my eyes with his jacket and opened the door. I walked out and he asked if I was okay.

"I don't feel well..." I said, almost breaking down in front of him. But I pulled myself together and asked if we could go home. I don't want to look like an outsider in this get together but I won't handle facing his family one more time. He said he'll borrow Troy's car and jog back to the picnic to get his keys. I used that moment to reschedule my flight tomorrow. When I used to do this, availability of flights would somehow interfere but I was able to do it so easily. The odds are really in Millie's favor.

I clicked on the green button of the confirmation page just as Hunter opened the door for me. He walked around to the driver's side and turned the car on drive. I don't want any conversation with him because it will hurt more and just one word, I will cower. I will say yes to him every time. My body says yes to him every time. I know what I'm doing is selfish but I need to do it for my conscience. With how he is with Millie, that special bond between them can't even be denied, with how their second chance might look if I don't let it happen. I love him, I love him so much that's why I'm doing this for him. Doing this for them.